Home Again
by michelle-lee92
Summary: When Sam's mum dies she is forced to go live with her aunt in Australia. she's 18 now and she's back in Seattle for a while. but it's not the Seattle she remembers. People have changed. Will Sam, Carly and Freddie ever be the same again? SEDDIE!
1. Chapter 1 Jet Lag

'Excuse me? Would you like a pillow?' I looked up at the flight attendant. 'No thanks' I smiled 'to excited to sleep.' She smiled back and moved on. I was excited. It had been 4 years since I'd been on United States soil. 4 years since I'd done iCarly and 4 years since I'd seen Carly, Freddie or Spencer. 4 very long years. I'd been living in Australia with my aunt ever since mum died. And although I'd come to love it there it was never really home. The friends I had never really filled the hole. So as soon as I finished high school I new I had to go back. I was only planning to be in Seattle for 2 months. Then I'd go back to Australia and head to uni. Contrary to Ridgeway belief I'd actually become quite the history whiz and would be a history teacher someday. I know that if I told anyone who new the old me that they wouldn't believe me. Sam Puckett. THE Sam Puckett, who used to make it her daily goal to annoy as many teachers and fellow students as possible, become a teacher. Quick, run, the apocalypse is coming. I stifled a giggle as I thought this and the little boy next to me stared nervously, he probably thinks I'm crazy. I turned my attention to the screen at the front of the cabin. It showed a map enlarged over the Pacific Ocean with a little dot that was slowly moving across the water. It was a g.p.s telling the passengers exactly where we were and right now the little dot was sailing over Hawaii. I was so close.

*****

I stepped out of the doors to the Sea-Tac. I could smell the cold Seattle air and smiled. I hailed a cab and gave the address of the hotel I had booked. The trip took about 15 minutes I tried to get a hotel as close to bushwell as possible but still with in my price range and ended up in the 5 blocks away called the Henry Lawson hotel. It was nice, not to fancy but not a shit hole either. It was comfortable, just what I needed. I put my suitcase down by the bed and turned to check out the small bathroom. I walked to the sink and splashed water on my face, it felt so good, I did my neck as well before finally giving in and taking a shower. When I got out I felt so tired, jet lag kicking in, I looked out the window and Seattle was alive it must be midday maybe 1 in the afternoon. I decided to get some dinner, or lunch, I should say. The longer I stayed awake the easier adjusting my sleep pattern will be. I walked down the street looking at everything as memories came flooding back. It was then that I saw it. Still there, open and filled with kids. The groovy smoothie looked just like I remembered it. I walked in and was hit with the smell of fresh fruit and berry's. I never realised how much I missed hanging out here with Carly and Freddie. I bought a mango berry blitz and sat down in the corner watching everyone. I was so emersed in my thoughts that I didn't even see him when he walked in. he had grown. His hair was slightly longer and he had lost all his baby fat, replaced with what I could tell from the concealing shirt he wore muscles, well built ones to. I didn't even recognise him until he had turned towards me and I saw his face. It was Freddie, I just knew it. He was in line waiting to be served. I slowly walked up to him, he hadn't noticed me so I reached up and tapped him on the shoulder, he was taller then me now.

'Uhm Freddie?' I asked

He turned to look at me, gave me a once over and asked 'Do I know you?'

I sighed, I hadn't changed that much, I mean my hair was a little shorter then I used to have it back then, and a lot tamer, mostly hanging straight unless its wet. My skin was a little darker from the Aussie sun and I'd lost my freckles but I hadn't changed THAT much. 'You don't recognise me do you?'

He stared at me, squinting his eyes, it didn't take him long, about 3 full seconds before his eyes widened 'Sam?'

I smiled and he took that as confirmation. 'Oh my god. Sam!' he hugged me so tight I thought I was going to pass out but I hugged him back, as much as I used to tease him I had really missed the dweeb. He pulled back and looked me up and down again, a new look in his eyes. 'Is it really you?'

'In the flesh' I smiled.

'What are you doing here? How long have you been back? You look…' he paused 'Amazing!'

'Aww shucks' I smiled ' I'm here because I wanted to see you and Carly again, I've missed you like crazy and well term doesn't start till February so here I am. I arrived this morning.' I paused to let him take it in. 'horrible jet lag' I added and smiled. He laughed too 'Do you want to get out of here? He asked.

'Don't you want a smoothie?' we were still standing in the line.

'Na, I only came here because I was bored.'

'Well ok then. Where we of to?'

'Park' he smiled grabbed my hand and walked me out.

'Can we go see Carly?' I asked, 'Where is she?'

He didn't answer this and asked me about life in Australia. I ignored his question and tried again 'Where's Carly, Freddie?' he stopped we were at a red light waiting to cross the road to the park. 'She's... Ah… busy, yeah busy.' The walk sign flashed and he tried to cross but I stood my ground and pulled him back. He swung round from the force of my pull so he was facing me.

'I see you haven't lost your touch' he smirked.

'Just because I've been gone for 4 years doesn't mean I'm stupid and it shore as hell doesn't mean I cant still read you like a book Benson' I glared at him and he sighed 'Where's Carly?'


	2. Chapter 2 Ducks and Photos

**Freddie's POV:**

'You don't recognize me do you?' she said.

Actually now I thought about it she did look familiar. Blond hair, it looked straight but I could tell it wanted to curl, she had blue eyes and she was wearing a subtle smirk. When I saw that smile I knew, but I couldn't believe it. I hadn't laid eyes on Samantha Puckett for 4 years and now here she was standing in front of me. 'Sam?' I asked and she smiled even wider, that was all the conformation I needed. This was so crazy. 'Oh my god!' I said as I grabbed and hugged her. I didn't know what else to do but as soon as I hugged her it felt right, like I was missing something until that moment. She hugged me back, something that when I think about I didn't really expect her to do. I was so shocked still that I had to ask 'is it really you?' I pulled back to gauge her reaction to the question. She just continued to smile. 'In the flesh' she said.

'What are you doing here? How long have you been back? You look….' I stopped and looked her up and down she was wearing a pair of tight faded blue jeans over white rabens and a cream cotton singlet, with a small brown vest and light grey cardigan over it all, it wasn't much but it suited her she really did look 'Amazing'

'Aww shucks' she smiled 'I'm here because I wanted to see you and Carly again, I've missed you like crazy and well term doesn't start till February so here I am. I arrived this morning…. Horrible jet lag' I laughed at this, she did look dead on her feet.

'Do you wanna get out of here?' I asked.

'Don't you want a smoothie' she asked, I had practically forgotten we were still in the groovy smoothie, let alone in line. 'Na, I only came here because I was bored.'

'Well ok then. Where we off to?'

I thought for a second and then smiled 'Park' I grabbed her hand and led her out of the shop. We were walking down the street towards the park when she asked me about Carly. 'Where is she?' I didn't answer her at first; I didn't want to ruin the reunion by telling her about just how much Carly had changed so I asked her about Australia. She didn't answer me but asked again 'Where's Carly, Freddie?' _Shit_ I thought, she was still stubborn that's for sure. We stopped at the red light waiting to cross the road; I tried to think of an evasive answer and came up with 'She's… Ah… busy. Yeh busy.' Just then the walk sign flashed and I tried to walk forwards but was pulled back by a strong external force, it was Sam, she still had hold of my hand. I spun around from the pressure so I was facing her. 'I see you haven't lost your touch' I joked.

'Just because I've been gone for 4 years doesn't mean I'm stupid and it sure as hell doesn't mean I can't still read you like a book Benson' she glared at me, I sighed as she asked again 'Where's Carly?'

*****

**Sam's POV:**

'Look, don't get worked up OK. Carly's… she's fine, lets just go to the park, go for a walk. Yeh? You can tell me all about living in 100º weather, and then we'll go find Carly… is that fair?'

I sighed and looked at him closely, now that I was up close I could see that he had changed a lot more then I had originally thought. He was bolder, more confident but he was bothered. He looked kind of tired. He was hiding something, but I'd hold off the questions for now, it was just nice to have him there, really there, standing in front of me. I smiled 'OK, let's go.'

He pushed the button for the lights again and we waited for the walk sign. Once we were in the park he let go of my hand but started the questions as we walked aimlessly on the park the circled the pond.

'So, what's it like over there?' he asked

'Oh, it's alright, the summer's hot and the winter's cold. Never as cold as Seattle though. The beaches are amazing and the night life is even better.'

'Night life?'

'Yeh, you no clubs and stuff'

'Sam, your still 18?'

'Yeh, but you can drink and shiz at 18 over there.' I smiled

'Sweet'

'Meh, it loses its novelty after awhile.' We stopped walking and he focused on the group of ducks in the middle of the pond. 'Did you replace us?'

I stared at him, I was shocked by the question to say the least. 'Are you serious?' I asked 'I don't think I could ever find a stress ball as good as you Fredweiner' I smiled broadly at him 'But yes I have friends if that's what you meant. Actually I have a photo.' I pulled out my wallet and passed it to him, there were 2 photo's, one was the goofy photo of me Carly, Freddie and Spencer that was taken for that record book years ago. I watched as he smiled broadly at this photo. And the other was of a group of 5 people, 2 guys, 2 girls and I bunched together laughing at the camera. 'this was taken at my school, on the last day' I said as I pointed to one of the girls in the photo, she had long brown hair the waved in 'barley there' curls down her back 'that's Prudence' I told him and the pointed to the brunette guy standing next to her 'and that's her twin Jude, their mums a Beatles fan.' I watched as he laughed at this and pointed to the other girl in the photo, she had platinum blond hair with random electric blue strips here and there and bright green eyes, 'that's Danika, but we just call her 'D', she's a lot like you ya know? With all the tech stuff but then she's a lot like me to if you get my drift, I swear if you and I had a kid it would be a Danika clone' I laughed and he joined in.

'And who's this guy?' he asked, pointing to the second guy, he had tanned, sun kissed skin and dirty blond hair that hung below his ear but above his shoulders and it was severely rougheld, in the picture he had his arms held loosely around my waist, I smiled at the memory. 'That's Jake, he's my boyfriend, or he was'

'didn't he treat you right?' his voice had gone stern and accusatory as he looked at the picture. I couldn't help it, I burst out laughing.

'What?'

'What would you do if he didn't? jump on a plane and go defend my honor?' I laughed harder and he glared at me. When I finally calmed down he was staring stone-faced at the ducks again. 'relax Benson, it was a mutual thing, you can't exactly date someone when you on the other side of the country as them can you?' he didn't answer me but I could tell he relaxed, it was nice standing here with him, the way we were talking anyone would think I had never left, I loved that. I sighed and put my head on his shoulder, staring at the ducks as well 'You know, I really missed you, I know we never really got along as kids but you were always good to me Freddie' I smiled and tilted my head up to look at him. He smiled down at me 'Wow, your not the Sam I grew up with, are you?'

I just shrugged my shoulders and turned back to the ducks, my jet lag was kicking in and I felt like I was going to fall asleep on his shoulder 'People change Freddie'

**(A/N: I know people probably wanted to here more about what's up with Carly but I wanted to put this in first, I felt I needed it for the rest of the story. xD ) **


	3. Chapter 3 Revelations

**(A/N: I've changed the rating to M because of some language that I wasn't sure about. I felt that in the situation a good use of the word 'Fuck' is in need. Sorry for the inconvenience. xD )**

**Sam's POV:**

'_Wow, your not the Sam I grew up with, are you?'_

_I just shrugged my shoulders and turned back to the ducks, my jet lag was kicking in and I felt like I was going to fall asleep on his shoulder 'People change Freddie'_

_*****_

'You got that right' he said. I pulled back and looked at him, he really was hiding something. 'Right, well this has been a lovely chat Benson, but I'm off to go see Carly' I said and started walking away, back towards the street.

'_Shit' _I heard him say before he was running after me 'Sam, Wait!'

'What Freddie? I know your stalling so just spit it out all ready' I nearly yelled at him. He was starting to annoy me with all the evasiveness and I was slowly remembering why I used to love tormenting him so much.

'Fine' he said 'But I don't know exactly how to put this.'

'Start with the beginning'

'Well, about a year after you left, Spencer's art started selling like crazy, he has a few galleries around the country now'

'Really? That's aweso-'

'Let me finish, please, Sam' he cut me off, and I fell silent.

'So anyway, he bought himself a house in L.A and that's where he lives now. He let Carly stay in the apartment though, you know how responsible she was, and yeh he had the lady down the hall check on her a few times but that didn't last long, I think she fed her lie about Spencer telling her to lay off a bit, I dunno really. Anyway that's about when Gavin showed up'

'Gavin?'

'Sam, please just let me finish.'

'Ok ok'

'Yeh, Gavin… Her boyfriend and he's the worst guy for her. Her complete opposite or he was. Now I'm not so sure'

'But-' he gave me a stern look and I shut up again.

'He's a lot older then her, I think he's about 23 now, he's been in jail a few times and if I'm not mistaken from the sores on his arms he's no stranger to drugs either.' He sighed at this point and closed his eyes, like he was having difficulty talking about it. This guy must be really bad. 'Once, they got in a huge fight, there was a test at school, History I think, and he didn't want her to go, wanted her to stay home with him. I've never heard Carly scream like that and…' he took a deep breath 'I think he hit her.'

I was shocked; the Carly I knew would never let herself get in a situation like that. 'Well, have you talked to her? Tried to help? Anything?' I said desperately.

'Of course I have, she told me I was wrong, that I didn't know what I was talking about and in her exact words "Fuck off Benson, I've had enough of your shit, get out and don't come back. I HATE YOU!"'

I was stunned 'Oh…Fuck' I let out a deep breath I didn't know I was holding and walked over to a bench and sat down, he followed me, sitting to my right. 'When did this happen?' I asked.

'That she kicked me out? A few months, 5 maybe' he said.

'5 months!... And you haven't spoken to her since?'

'Nope'

'Fuck' I let out another long breath and closed my eyes to take it in. 'It's like you said' he said 'People change'

'Yeh but it's just so unlike her, you know? Didn't you ever see her at school?'

'Yeh I guess, if he let her show up, but she never came anywhere near me, even if I tried to talk to her she would run away. So I've just been watching, making sure she's ok, without her knowing.'

'You do that for her? Even after all she said to you?'

'She didn't mean it Sam, that guy has her brainwashed, he's an asshole and treats her like shit, but for some stupid, fucked up reason she still loves him and so she'll do anything to keep him… even dessert her best friend.'

'Mate, your too loyal' we both smiled grimly.

'Are you going to come?' I asked

'Come where?'

'To go see Carly. You're coming Benson and your going to talk to her.'

'Am I?'

'Yes, you are… don't make me make you, I've been good so far' I smiled.

'Okay, but when she starts up or when we run into Gavin, don't say I didn't warn you.'

'Fair enough but I know that girl better then anyone, and I'm determined to spend my 2 months here with MY Carly, not some girl she's been "brainwashed"' I smiled as I used his terminology 'to be. But I think we'll go tomorrow, jet lag packs a punch and I should go before I pass out.' I would have smiled but at this point I felt like death warmed up. He just laughed at me.

'Ok then, where are you staying? Ill walk you.'

'Um, it's not far, few blocks maybe. Henry Lawson, You know it?'

'Yeh, come on' he stood up started walking. With great effort I pulled my already asleep body of the bench and trudged along beside him. We walked silently to the hotel, it was a comfortable silence though. I was so tired I was walking in a trance that I didn't even hear him when he was talking to me.

'Huh?'

'What room are you in?'

'Oh umm 20'

'Ok, come on' he grabbed my hand and pulled me down the hallway, counting the door numbers as he went. He stopped about halfway. 'Here you go, I'll come back in the morning and well go together.'

'Ok' I mumbled as I tried desperately to put the key in the lock. He sighed and took the key off me, opened the door and watched me walk inside. 'I'll see you tomorrow Sam.'

I smiled 'Bye Freddie' and shut the door, I turned and looked at the clock, it had just gone 3 in the afternoon, I didn't even bother getting changed, I just fell on the bed and was immediately taken by sleep.

**Freddie's POV:**

Walking down the hall away from Sam's room I couldn't believe what had happened today. In the space of 3 hours my whole life had been flipped. Sam was back, and hopefully that meant Carly would come back to. All she needed was to see her best friend again and everything will fall into place. I can think positively cant I?

I walked aimlessly towards Bushwell Plaza, thinking about how much Sam had changed. She had grown so much, not just physically but emotionally to, but the longer I spent with her the more flickers of the old Sam I saw return. It was kind of, for lack of a better word magical to watch her evolve like that. And then when she talked about her friends, there was sadness in her voice, she was probably upset about leaving them, maybe she felt her situation was repeating itself, making good friends but then having to leave again, but there I go reading in to things to much. I was just glad she was back, even if it was for just 2 months, its reassuring to have physical proof that she still existed after so long apart.

The elevator dinged on the 8th floor and I walked towards my door just as Gavin was emerging from Carly's. I ignored him and went about unlocking my door just as I opened it he decided to ruin my escape by adding 'Well well well, look what we got here? Hey faggot, had a nice day in the park with the boyfriend?' he taunted.

I turned around and glared at him. 'Gavin just because you think your king shit, doesn't mean the rest of us do, so why don't you go crawl back into what ever pile of shit you pulled your self out of. And while you're at it you can do the world a favor and go fuck yourself.' I slammed the door in his face but he yelled through it.

'Ah see that's where you're wrong princess, I got Carly for that'

I could picture the bastard smirking at his own words. 'Fucking twat' I said to myself. I was so angry now. I went to the shower and played some music full blast to calm myself.

Tomorrow everything will change.

**(A/N: Ok so now you know why Freddie was awkward about Carly. I don't know exactly what theories people had as to what might be up, but id love to here them and what do you think about what IS up? Please review xD )**


	4. Chapter 4 Gibby & Gavin

**(A/N: Ok time for another chapter, but before we get started I'd just like to say something. Thank you so much to everyone who has reviewed, this is my first iCarly fic and I love the fact that you guys are really into my story, especially ThriLLer89, who demands my updates, this ones for you xD)**

**Oh and one more thing that I keep forgetting… I don't own this playground I just like the toys :)**

**Sam's POV:**

I woke up to a sharp knock on the door. Deciding to ignore it, I rolled over and tried to get back to sleep, but the knocker was persistent, I glanced up at the clock and saw it was 9.a.m.

'Urgh' I grumbled.

'Sam? Wake up, come on I know you're in there'

Slowly I got out of bed, rubbing my eyes as I went. They were still half closed, due to the sleep dust trying desperately to glue them together. I fumbled my hands at the door until I found the handle, unlocked it and opened the door. I slumped against the door frame and looked up to see Freddie smirking back at me.

'Nice' he said as he looked me over, I was wearing what I had had on yesterday still, but I looked, from what I could tell, a complete mess. My hair was probably everywhere.

'Shut up! Do you know what time it is?' I asked in a disgruntled tone.

'Yeh, just gone 9, you've been asleep for 18 hours' he said this as he pushed passed me into the room, I turned and followed him, sitting back down on the bed. 'Your point being?' I asked whilst I wiped the rest of the sleep from my eyes.

'You still wanna do this?' he asked. I knew he was talking about Carly.

'Of course I want to see her, that's a stupid question Benson.' He smiled grimly.

'Ok then, I'll go get us some breakfast and you have a shower and get changed,'

'That sounds good.'

'What do you want?' he asked.

'Anything with a large side of coffee.' He smirked again at this, that little smirk was appearing so often. I added it to my mental 'How Freddie has changed' list as I watched him walk out the door.

I walked into my small bathroom, looking in the mirror I could tell I really did look like shit. I turned on the water, twisting the knobs until I found a good temperature, stripped off and got in. The hot water, running down my back, undoing all the tight muscles I'd received from wearing tight clothing to bed. I washed my hair with the crap little hotel shampoo and conditioner, reminding myself that I'd have to go shopping later. I got out and dried my hair roughly with a towel and then wrapped it around myself. I walked towards the bedroom and over to my suitcase, I dressed in a white V cut shirt that had the slogan 'I Penrith' and a pair of denim shorts that ended half way down my thigh. I pulled on my favorite pair of sneakers and walked back into the bathroom to do my hair. It was crazy, the water always made my curls go from tame to murderous I brushed it through and flicked on my straightener at the powerpoint.

I was half way through straightening my hair when there was a knock on the door; I knew it was Freddie so I went to let him in.

'I got bagels' he said as he walked in he looked at me 'Nice hair'

I had the top half of my crazy curls gathered on the top of my head whilst the bottom half hung in straightened perfection. I ignored the jibe and grabbed the coffee he had bought me heading straight back towards the bathroom to finish my hair. It took me another 15 minutes to finish my hair and apply the little makeup that I wore; foundation, mascara and a touch of eye liner.

When I walked back into the bedroom I found Freddie sitting at the little dining table I was provided with, reading the paper and drinking a coffee. As normal as this might seem it still made me smile, it was just so weird that this was all happening; I still couldn't get over it. He looked up from the paper when he realized I was there, and can you believe it, smirked. 'What's Penrith?' he asked.

A small blush crept into my cheeks as I realized he was reading the slogan across my chest. 'Where I live, Penrith Valley.' I answered surprisingly coolly.

'Oh, what's so great about it?' I just shrugged my shoulders, 'What's so great about New York?'

He smirked 'Well, a lot of things actually'

'Is that mine?' I asked changing the subject and pointing at the bagels on the table. He pushed the plate towards me and I sat down to smother my bagels in cream cheese. We sat in silence as I ate and he read the paper, shaking his head and frowning here and there. I watched him, he had changed a fair bit but the old Freddie was there in every sense of the word, he still had those nerdish tendencies but at the same time he was far from a nerd and that's where he had changed. He was wearing a slightly loose fitting faded red shirt with a band name emblazoned on the front that did a terrible job at hiding how in shape he had gotten, grey open waist coat over it and a pair of black jeans. His hair which was longer then it was when I had known him years ago, was messy, sticking out at random angles, but it somehow suited him. He looked good. And if my 15 year old self had been here to witness my thoughts she probably would have hit me… hard. But I wasn't that girl anymore. I hadn't even realized how much I had changed until I came back here.

'What are you looking at?' he asked bringing my attention to his face rather then his body. Oh crap he had probably seen me staring.

'Nothing' I said as I took the last bite of my bagel. 'You ready?'

He took a deep breath and put down the paper 'Yeh Lets do this.' He stood up and walked towards the door. I stood and walked over to the bed, grabbing my phone, wallet and shoving them in to a handbag, I put my sunglasses on my head, it was a surprisingly sunny day for January in Washington I followed him out the door and turned to lock the door behind me.

It didn't take long to walk to Bushwell Plaza, Freddie was nervous I could tell, but I was surprisingly relaxed. It was Carly we were going to see after all and I kept telling myself if we run into the 'boyfriend' ill just embrace the old Sam and give what's coming to him. I started thinking of the best place to give the bastard a good hard kick whilst smiling to myself when I was interrupted.

'Freddie?'

Freddie and I both spun to see a tall, slightly chubby boy waling towards us, he had blond hair cut short and looked strangely familiar.

'Oh hey Gibby' said Freddie and my eyes widened as I looked at the boy again, wow for just 4 years a person can really change I thought, but now that I knew I could see that it was indeed Gibby he had the same face and although he was wearing a shirt it was a thing wife beater that could hardly count.

'Freddie, I haven't seen you in ages. What's up?' he looked at me and the back at Freddie with a smile 'I didn't know you had a girlfriend?'

I saw Freddie blush a little and I was about to correct Gibby but Freddie got there first. 'She's not my girlfriend Gibby. You remember Sam, right?' he asked. I watched as Gibby's looked at me and his face changed from confused to shocked. 'Ah… Wow… I mean, Hi Sam.'

I smiled 'Hey Gibby, long time no see'

I could see how awkward he felt, it almost made me laugh 'Yeh, ah… how was … ah-'

'Australia? Good, I guess' I continued to smile. Watching him react to me was pure entertainment.

'Yeh, well, I'll talk to you later Freddie. Sam.' He nodded and walked away and then I let my laughter overcome me. Freddie was laughing slightly too. 'wow that was hilarious, he looked so awkward'

'Yeh, well can you blame him' said Freddie 'you did torment him a lot when we were kids.'

I lightly punched him in the arm as we continued towards Bushwell Plaza. 'I wasn't that's bad.'

'Sure' he said sarcastically and wore a smirk the rest of the way to the apartment building.

We walked through the doors to the apartment building, not surprisingly Lewbert was still there, his feet up on his desk, shoveling Chinese food down his throat and glaring at us as we passed. We stood in the elevator and Freddie pushed the button with the number 8. I was starting to get jumpy; I wanted to see Carly so bad. When the elevator dinged we walked down the hall and stopped in front of Carly's apartment. Freddie turned to me he didn't say anything he just waited. I took a deep breath and knocked on the door. Within seconds the door opened to show a man leaning against the door frame, holding the door shut with him so we couldn't see past into the apartment. He wore nothing but a pair of low rider jeans. He had tribal tattoos up both arms and a large cross tattooed on his chest. He wore a weeks worth of stubble and looked altogether like this biggest wanker. I could tell straight away that this guy thought the world of himself.

'What do you want faggot' he said harshly to Freddie before looking me over 'Bring me a present? She is a treat ay' he smiled at me and thought I was going to throw up my breakfast.

'NO!' said Freddie harshly 'and believe me I take absolutely no pleasure in wasting my time talking to a twat, so if you don't mind we'd like to see Carly'

'Well she aint in, so why don't you fuck off back to your fairy garden, princess.'

'Babe? Who is it?' I heard Carly's voice from inside the flat. Freddie smirked 'Is that so?'

'Look I give a fuck, you aint seeing her, so piss off!'

Freddie was about to retort when I put my hand on his shoulder to stop him. Gavin laughed at this 'Aww looked who's whipped'

I took a step closer to him, right in his face, and said in a menacing voice, one I hadn't used in a while. 'Listen buddy, you've got about 3 seconds to let me into this apartment or else your gonna regret it.' He laughed at me 'Freddie' I said. He got the message and started counting.

'One…Two' he was still smiling. 'Three'

I smirked as I grabbed a handful of his hair pulled tight and punched him in the face so quickly he had no time to react. He let go of the door and his hands flew to his face,_ 'perfect'_ I thought as I kicked him good and hard straight in the balls. He quickly forgot about his nose and lent forward hands on his crutch. As he was leaning forward I grabbed hold of his head and pulled my knee up to meet his face. I watched with a satisfied smile as he fell to the ground. I turned around and saw Freddie look at me with a bit of shock. 'Wow, I don't think I've ever seen you go that far.'

As he said this we were interrupted by a smash of glass and a scream, it was Carly, she had probably seen Gavin on the floor moaning and blood coming from his nose, but the door was still slightly closed so she hadn't seen us. It didn't take long for her to run to the door and whip it open to yell, scream and accuse us but as soon as she had opened the door fully, she stopped dead. Just staring open mouthed at me. I stared at her too. She had gotten a little taller, her hair was longer. She was wearing a black singlet with a pair of cotton trackies and ugg boots. She looked like she had just got out of bed. It took a while for her to do anything but stare at me, all the while I just smiled.

'Sam?' she asked, opened mouthed in shock. 'Is that you?' I giggled inwardly at this. Freddie had said the exact same thing.

'In the flesh' I repeated and smiled even wider.

**(A/N: Wow, this was a tuff one to right, it was drafted in little bits and pieces so putting it together was a challenge but I hope you like it, next chapter will probably start with Carly's POV, like I did with Freddie I want to have both reactions to the reunion. So review and tell me what you think. XD Also I'd just like to say, the I ****Penrith shirts are legit. I wrote that Sam now lives in Penrith a City/Town in NSW, it's actually where I live and I felt here's a chance to put my own little mark into the story. Also the shirts are available at SUPRE along with 'I like boys who sparkle' giggles… yes I know that's lame xD )**


	5. Chapter 5 Unstable and Beaten

**(A/N: As promised, here's a bit of Carly's POV but returning back to Sam's. enjoy xD )**

…**. I don't own the ice-cream; I just love to add sprinkles ….**

**Carly's POV:**

I heard a loud thump echo from downstairs; Gavin hadn't answered me earlier so I started to get worried. I ran down the stairs, the water from the glass I was holding, splashing all over the place as I went. I saw him lying on the floor by the door, holding his balls and blood coming from his nose. I dropped the glass in my hand; it smashed on the ground, glass shards and water spraying everywhere. I ignored it and screamed as I ran towards Gavin. When I got there I pulled open the door wanting to know who had hurt him, but I froze.

It was Freddie. I hadn't spoken to him in months, why would he be here? But then I noticed he was with someone. I looked to the girl that stood next to him. She looked so familiar; she had blonde hair that hung so straight it couldn't be natural, big blue eyes and was smiling softly at me.

I couldn't believe it, we had lost touch over the years but there she was, standing before me.

'Sam?' I asked. I had to know for sure 'Is that you?'

She smiled even wider at me 'In the flesh' she replied. I froze even further if it was at all possible. I didn't know how to react, though even before I had the chance to decide I was interrupted by Gavin. He had pulled himself from the floor, wiping the blood from his nose with the back of his hand before gripping my shoulder, trying to drag me back inside the apartment. I was still frozen, staring at her. I just couldn't seem to comprehend that she was back, my best friend, I felt like there was a hole inside me and all of a sudden there was a numbness to the pain.

'Come on babe, get inside and ill finish these two off.' He said while he was trying to drag me away. Sam's smile vanished at this and the numbness I had momentarily felt, vanished and I was left with a sick pain in my stomach. I broke from my trance. I pulled my shoulder from his grasp. This didn't go unnoticed by Gavin who took a step closer to me, leant down and whispered in my ear. 'Carly' he said harshly 'Get inside now!' He said it so I could hear the threat in every syllable. Fear trickling down my spine. I shuddered and knew there was no use. I frowned, turned to look at Gavin and then walked back inside. Every step I took away from Sam deepened the ach in my stomach. The guilt like bile in my throat made me want to hurl, but I kept walking. Giving didn't want me near her and Gavin's word, was law.

**Sam's POV:**

I watched as she frowned and then reluctantly walked inside, I couldn't hear what Gavin had told her, but I was her best friend and there was no way she would just turn her back on me, the situation must be more dire then I had originally thought. I was brought from my thoughts by Gavin.

'See! She doesn't even want to see you princess, so why don't you and your harry* little friend here fuck off.' He was sneering; obviously he hadn't learnt his lesson the first time. I raised my hand to give him a sharp slap across the face when he grabbed my wrist in a firm grip. I bit back my yelp of pain but I wasn't quick enough to hide the flit of shock that crossed my face. He laughed.

'I never make the same mistake twice.' He said.

'Let her go!' demanded Freddie.

'Oh, and what are you gonna do about it?' he asked turning to Freddie whilst tightening his grip on my wrist.

Freddie was about to retort when I cut him off 'just leave it Freddie'

Gavin smiled at this and probably would have commented but I cut him off as well. 'You're despicable you know.' I said drenched with venom. 'Whatever you've done to her to make her the hollow shell of the girl she was, you'll pay. Mark my words.' My threat was evident but he kept his cool, the only evidence of anger was his nails that were digging so deep in my skin I was sure they had broken the surface. I ignored the pain, throbbing from my wrist and continued 'you can't keep her with you 24/7; you can't keep her from me. And when I do see her, you'll be out of here faster then last weeks ham'. At this I ripped my hand from his grasp ignoring the blood trickle that ran freely after his fingers were released.

He sneered filthily at us, then smirked and said 'We'll see how that works out for you, ay?' and with that he slammed the door in our faces.

I turned to Freddie holding my wrist in my hand, now paying attention to the pain I tried to stop the small blood flow by adding pressure with my other hand which only succeeded in me getting blood all over myself. 'You weren't joking' I said sadly at him. He shook his head glumly 'I had hoped that, well I dunno what exactly I had hoped, but it was better then what we got'

He looked at me trying desperately to stop the blood and frowned. 'Well I did warn you. Come on, I've got a first aid kit.' He said as he nudged with his head towards his flat door. I followed him and waited for him to unlock the door. Once inside, I walked over and sat on his couch while he rummaged in a kitchen cupboard looking for the first aid kit.

'Where's your mum?' I asked.

'Vancouver, some nursing expo…Ah found it!' he said as he walked back towards me with a large green first aid box. It was massive.

'Hiding, was it?' I asked with shock and amusement in my voice.

'Shut up, do you realize how much crap she has in that cupboard; she has the wing of a hospital stashed into that thing.'

I laughed at this until he sprayed the cuts with detol, wincing in pain whilst he wrapped a small bandage around my wrist adding pressure to the wound. Once he was done I thanked him and then sat back on his couch my head sank into the soft cushions as I stared at the ceiling and sighed.

'What are you thinking?' he asked me. I looked up to see him just quietly standing in front of me, watching me, a small crease appeared on his forehead as he did. He was worrying, I could tell.

'About how were gonna get rid of that leech over there. You saw what he's done to her. She's like a zombie.'

He frowned and sat down on the couch next to me, we both leant back into the couch again, staring at the ceiling. 'Yeh' he sighed and turned his head to me ' but what can we do, if she wont talk to us let alone listen to us, what are we supposed to do. Gavin has us cornered.' I turned my head too so I was looking at him as well. He was so close I could smell his peppermint aftershave. I could see the gold sparks that brightened his otherwise rich brown eyes. I could count every soft freckle scattered across his nose... It was then that the thought came to me. Who would have thought that staring at Fredweirdo's eyes was good for concentration… defiantly not me. I smiled at him but he just looked more confused. 'What?' he asked wearily.

'He can keep her away from us right, but I know someone who he can't keep her away from.' He still looked confused for a while before his eyes widened in comprehension.

'Spencer' we both said in unison.

**(A/N: Harry* - means to act hardcore, or tough. eg. That person is acting very harry.**

**This isn't a very long one but it took some time to do. I tried to get the image across of how emotionally unstable Carly has become. I'm not very good at writing this because I believe that it's hard to emphasize something you have never experienced, but I tried my best and I hope the message was received. Please review, I love to hear your opinions or even suggestions. Criticism is great as well. xD )**


	6. Chapter 6 Confusion & Pain

**(A/N: Haii Guys. I know I said you would have to wait like two weeks for this, but my good 'ol friend Procrastination showed up and put my studying on hold so with a guilty conscience I present to you…. CHAPTER 6 XD ) **

**Sam's POV:**

'_Spencer' we both said in unison._

Freddie jumped up from the couch and started pacing. 'Why didn't I think of that before?' he mumbled to himself.

'Because you're a nub' I said with a smile. He turned to me with the beginnings of a glare but seemed to think better of it and just sat down next to me.

'So how do we find him?' he asked.

'Well you said he was in L.A right?'

'Yeh'

I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly. 'Road trip. How many Spencer Shay's can there be in L.A?'

He nodded and then we both sat in silence for a moment or two. It wasn't uncomfortable, we were both too lost in thought to care let alone notice how close we were. It wasn't until his voice broke through my musings that I did realize how close he was. I could smell his peppermint aftershave again. It really did suit him.

'Sam?' he asked and I snapped from my trance.

'Huh?'

'I said, are you worried about her?' he repeated.

I thought about this for a moment. Honestly, in all my life I had never met a more together person then Carly. She had it all sorted, all planned out, she had her goals and she could almost touch them. She was always the one pulling me out of trouble. She was so strong willed, I wouldn't have thought anyone could control her like Gavin did. It just made her situation even more out of character. Was I worried? Yes. But it was more then that. I was shocked, even scared. But I knew it would get better. I wasn't leaving until it did.

Realizing that Freddie was still waiting for an answer, I frowned, nodded and said 'Yes, but I have faith.'

'Well at least that makes one of us.' He said, his frown deepening into a grimace as he stared at the blank cream wall opposite us. I starred at him, confused. 'You don't think we'll be able to help her?' I asked him.

'Not if she doesn't help herself,' he said. Noticing that I still looked slightly confused he continued. 'I mean, sure Spence can kick Gavin out of the apartment, but that's not going to get rid of him completely is it? For all we know she could just pack up and go with him, and then where would we be?' he turned back to the wall and sighed.

'Do you enjoy doing that?' I asked him. I was starting to get annoyed with him again. He could always test my patience so easily, over the simplest things. It seemed that separation had not caused him to loose this gift.

'Enjoy doing what? He asked, returning his attention to me, his eyebrows creased just a little to show his confusion.

'Finding a flaw in every plan' I said.

He gave a small, soft smile 'it comes naturally'

I waited for him to say more but he just turned back to the wall. I started thinking about how he had changed again. He was so much calmer, relaxed, more; for lack of a better word, Zen. Not like the old Freddie. This Freddie had been through hard times and come out, well I wouldn't say shiny and smooth but defiantly better then what he went in as. His smile had even changed. What used to be a broad smile with teeth and all, was now small and soft or a mocking smirk. Both total contradictory's but he wore them together well. He looked worn out as well. All these things I added to my mental 'How has Freddie changed' list. It was getting longer and longer the more time I spent with him.

He must have lost interest in the wall because he turned back to me right in the middle of my wanderings, we were both staring at each other now. I could feel soft electricity pumping through the air. We were so close, I looked at his soft brown eyes splattered with gold sparks. It wasn't long before my gaze traveled south and I took in the rest of his face. Until I hit his lips. They looked soft and pink, the strong urge to kiss him came over me and I was shocked. I was Sam Puckett and he was Freddie Benson. Kissing him was big no-no. Wasn't it? I could still feel the electricity and it wasn't being fair, it was bias and egging me on. I looked back up to his eyes and I could see the confusion laced with determination there that reflected my own. He lifted his hand and brushed a single lock of hair out of my face. To be honest I hadn't even realized it was there. His hand lingering on my cheek. I knew what was going to happen. I knew I had to stop it. But I wasn't sure if I could, or even if I wanted to.

Just then the phone rang.

We both jumped as the harsh rings battered through the apartment. It was the distraction I needed though. I slid away from him on the couch and stood up. 'I still think we should go to L.A. Spencer can at least try and talk some sense into Carly.' He nodded, frown reappearing on his face, he looked, dare I say it, disappointed. No I don't dare. I can't think like that. It was Freddie after all. Right? Wasn't I supposed to get kicks out of teasing and manipulating him. Not kissing him. I could feel the head lock that my 15 year old self would be applying to me right now had she been here to witness what had just happened. I walked towards the door. The phone was still ringing. But he seemed to be ignoring it.

'Sam?' he called in between two rings.

I turned and waited for him to say something but it looked as if he was struggling. Like me he probably had no idea what to say to what might have just happened. In my desperation to escape I said the first thing that came to my head before letting him speak. 'Thanks for the patch up' I said raising my injured wrist. I smiled softly, I don't know why exactly. And then turned and walked out the door.

I closed it behind me and leant against it. Taking big breaths to steady myself. That was so close. I could still hear the rings until they suddenly cut off and I could hear Freddie's muffled voice through the closed door.

'Hello?... Oh hey mom… Sorry I was busy.'

Once I had calmed myself I pushed off from the door and walked slowly down the hall towards the elevator. I turned around and looked at the two doors half way up the hall as I waited for the elevator to appear. One was the door to my best friend, who needed my help because she was in a crazy situation that I would never have thought possible for a girl like her, and in the other was the door to Freddie. The nerd I used to love to hate and now… well I didn't even know how to finish that sentence. What do you call someone that you're supposed to friendly hate (that's the best way I can describe what we were) and now you find yourself on the verge of kissing them. My head hurt, and I was thinking too much.

I was so confused. If I were back in Australia I would be on my way to a bar or club to loose myself in the fake euphoria they provided. But I couldn't do that here so when the elevator finally dinged I stepped inside and made my way grudgingly back to the hotel.

**Carly's POV: **_**(I'd say about 20 minutes previous.)**_

I sat in our bedroom waiting for him to come. He was downstairs talking to Freddie and... I physically gulped Sam.

I loved Gavin but I was afraid of him. I wanted to see Sam but I knew better then to go against him. I would probably pay for my slip up earlier, when I pulled myself from his grasp. He had gotten angry; I could hear it in his voice. The threat of what was to come still bubbling under my skin like bugs. I had the strong urge to scrub myself clean, but I knew from experience that soap didn't heal this type of wound.

I laid back on the bed that I was sitting on and waited…

I didn't have to wait long.

He was back in 5 minutes.

I didn't look up when he walk in, but he wouldn't have missed the way my body tensed from his presence. I imagined the smirk he would be wearing as I stared fixatedly at the ceiling. I felt the bed sink as he lay next to me. He was propped up on one side, supporting his head on his bent arm and watching me.

'Who is she?' he asked me. His voice was calm but I felt the demand.

'A friend.' That's all I said. I knew he wasn't satisfied. With his free hand he grabbed my face in a strong grip and pulled it towards him. Ripping my sight from the ceiling to his dark bottomless brown eyes. I could remember when I felt safe looking into those eyes. It was a long time ago.

'Who is she?' he tried again.

This time I spilled, I couldn't hold up against Gavin and he knew it. 'Her name is Sam. She was my best friend. She's been living in Australia for the past 4 years.' He let me go. I sighed from the release of pressure, I would have fresh bruises in the morning.

I tried to go back to staring at the ceiling, but he had other plans. 'You know' he started pulling my face to him once more. 'I really hate it when you disobey me' he was glaring, and if I was standing I would have dropped to my knees cowering. 'But' he continued 'I'm willing to forgive you this time' he said before he pulled my face in and kissed me. It was a harsh kiss, but the only one Gavin was capable of anymore. It suited him, he was harsh all over. He lifted me up and ripped my shirt of me. I realized where he was going with this and I really wasn't in the mood. So I made the big mistake of trying to resist him. I pushed on his chest, pulled out of the kiss and said 'Gavin, please, I'm not in the mood. Maybe later ok?' he didn't like this.

I should have seen it coming. He slapped me across the face. It hurt. Another bruise. I could taste blood in my mouth.

I looked at him and he was glaring at me worst then ever 'You're in the mood when I say you're in the mood'

I wasn't going to win and I didn't have the strength to fight. There was no use. There never was anymore. So I gave in. I let him strip me of my clothes, push me back on the bed and play with me. Being his ragdoll was such a common feeling these days I almost welcomed it …

… Almost.

When he was done. He never did take very long. It was over in 15 minutes. He fell asleep, exhausted by my side. I remembered what sex with Gavin used to be like. I looked back at him and wondered where that Gavin had gone, how that Gavin could have hidden this Gavin so well, for so long.

I stood and walked to the bathroom, I didn't even bother covering myself. What was the point. When I reached the bathroom I looked in the mirror. The bruises on my face were already starting to show, though light now they would darken fast. The bite mark on my left breast where he had bitten. Hard. Only 10 minutes ago was still there. Yet to fade and leave another bruise. I sighed and opened the cabinet in front of me. I pulled out some Adville. I took 3. I pulled out my anti- depressants. I took 1. I pulled out my sleeping pills. I took 2. I drank some water from a small glass on the sink and then brushed my teeth. The toothpaste stinging as it entered the wound Gavin had created when he slapped me.

Then I walked back to the bedroom. He was still there. Face down. Naked. Sprawled out on the bed. I walked over, pulled back the covers and got in. the sleeping pills were kicking in and I was lost in dreamless black. Thank god for that.

**(A/N: OK. So this was one was hard. Writing Carly is starting to become a bit of a challenge, but I'm happy with what I've produced. If your still a lil confused about the Carly/Gavin relationship, why she is with him. Don't fret answers to come in the next few chapters. Now I know I promised that there would be a Spencer hunt in this chapter, I just felt like there was a lot to write for that and it deserves its own chapter so I've cut it off here. So enjoy and hopefully the procrastination will leave me now and ill get back to the books. Please review. XD )**


	7. Chapter 7 2 steps forward 1 step back

(A/N: Okay So exams are over, I've finished my syllabus and holidays are in a few weeks so expect chapters a lot more frequently now. YAY XD. I hope your all excited. I decided to split the trip to L.A up and so this is the first part. Expect a cliffy at every end! Mwahahaha. So for the loooong wait but I hope it's worth it. XD )

Of coarse I own iCarly… iWish

Freddie's POV:

I listened to my mum rave on about some nursing crap as she checked in on me. Though I wasn't really paying that much attention. I was starring at the door that had just closed behind Sam. We had almost kissed. And the weird thing was, no doubt in my mind, I had wanted it to happen.

Sam had only been back for 2 days and already I could feel something between us... Or it could just be hormones. But something was there, a sort of pull, I dunno. It's defiantly hard to explain. Impossible to define. I didn't even know if it was requited. The way she ran off, my guess is its not. She sort of looked scared. It was like I was meeting a whole new Sam. Sure all her old quirks were there but they were diluted now by her new ones; the way she held herself now. Where she used to be so laid back, slouch, run her mouth and eat everyone out of house and home. Now she was so contained, kind of quiet and I hadn't seen her eat or even inquire about a single piece of ham. She always sat straight now, holding herself together… unless she was thinking. That was one thing I had noticed about the new Samantha Puckett; it was like she had a wall up around her, hiding herself from view, but when she was lost in thought she let her guard down and the real Sam came back, if only for a minute. It made me wonder what she would look like sleeping. So tranquil.

'Freddie, are you there?' my mum demanded from the other end of line pulling me from my thoughts.

'Uh, Yeah… Sorry' I turned my attention back to my mum, taking my eyes, finally off the door. I continued the conversation for a while before giving the excuse of going out. When I hung up the phone I went to the study and opened my laptop. I pulled up Youtube. The old iCarly website had been disabled years ago, but we were so popular it would be stupid not to think copies could be found on the popular video share website. I typed in iCarly and clicked the first link I saw. It turned out to be a compilation of a fan's favourite skits. I watched as the young Carly and Sam danced around, tortured Gibby and every once in a while, I would show up. It was so weird seeing it. We were all so innocent back then… so much had changed. I watched as the three of us laughed at the camera and clicked pause. Just staring at how happy we were. I looked at the clock it was 12.30.

I walked to the lounge room put on the television and started watching a football game. I don't know how long I sat there but I must have fallen asleep because I jerked awake at 6.00 to see the room marginally darker and the game over now showing the news. I walked to the kitchen and started making myself some dinner. Tomorrow was going to be a big day.

**Sam's POV:**

I woke the next morning from the vision of me running around Hyde Park in Sydney with flowers in my hair and singing Danika's favourite song 'Weightless, by All Time Low' I was chasing Carly and being Chased by Freddie. I rubbed my eyes and shook my head a little. My hair cascading out of the pony tail I had slept in. hanging down in the soft curls that I had begun to loath. Hence the straightening constantly. I looked at the clock. 9.45. Great! Freddie will be here any minute and I haven't even gotton out of bed yet.

I rolled out of bed and walked to my bathroom. I took a steaming hot shower.

When I got out I had barley clothed my self before my phone rang.

It was Danika.

'Hey 'D' I said as I answered the phone.

'Sam! How are you? What's it like being back? Are you having fun?' she said all this very fast and without breath.

I lightly laughed 'I'm fine. It's ok, few bumps in the road so far, but getting better hopefully'

'Hopefully?' she asked confused.

'Yeh but its ok, me and Freddie will fix it'

'Ooh Freddie. What's he like?'

'Pretty much the same, only older. Few new quirks but nothing major' I summarised.

'Is he cute?' she asked as someone knocked on my door. I pulled it open and there was the subject of our conversation. I blushed. 'Well is he?' she asked again.

'Ahh, I think I'm gonna have to call you back D' I said. I could here her complaining as I slammed my phone shut on her.

I stepped aside and he walked in and took what was fast becoming his usual seat at the table. 'Well, are you ready?' he asked me.

I walked to the bed and sat down pulling my bag towards me. I pulled out my brush and started trying to tame my curls. 'No, I woke up like half an hour ago.'

'Well you better hurry, well get all the traffic.' I sighed and finished running the brush through my hair. I stood grabbed an overnight bag and threw a few things in. I walked to the bathroom grabbed my toothbrush and other things and then put my shoes on.

'OK' I said 'I'm ready.' He smiled and walked towards the door. I took another look around the room, hoping I hadn't forgotten anything and then followed him.

When we got to the car park he led me over to a blue car that looked old. 'What kind of car is this?' I asked

'1968 Pontiac Firebird hardtop Coupe. And she's my baby. Hurt her and I hurt you.' He looked at me sternly. I couldn't help it. I laughed. It was such a guy thing; to go crazy over a car made before they were even born. I put my bag in the back seat and jumped in. for an old car it was pretty comfy. Soft leather seats. Polished interior. Freddie really needed a girlfriend.

Once we were both in he turned the car on and pulled out of the driveway. 'So do we know where Spencer lives?' I asked.

'I have an address, but finding it is still gonna be a challenge. I've never been to California so I bought a directory.' He leant into the back seat and pulled back a thick book of street maps. He passed it to me. Flinging it into my lap. It weighed a tonne. 'You're on directions' he smiled. I looked at the book. It was a map for the entire state of California. Entire state street maps didn't exist in Australia. They were unethical. I would have thought that for California as well. Apparently not.

We fell into a silence. I hadn't figured out if it was an uncomfortable one yet but I didn't want to have to wait long enough to see. I leant forward and began to fiddle with the radio. I could see him watching me like a hawk while I played around with stations. I finally found one I liked. It was 'Periscopes' by The Beautiful Girls. And so it went for about an hour. The two of us just sitting there him driving and me staring out the window. There was tension. I could feel it. And it was getting more awkward by the moment. I didn't think I would be able to take it much longer.

We were on the 101 travelling through Raymond, when I finally lost it and broke the silence. 'So… how's life?' I said, I tiny tinge to my cheeks

He laughed. That's right. Laughed! Here I was trying to be social and helpful and to quit this weird silence we had going on and he laughs! 'What's so funny? That's a genuine question' I said offended.

'Sam' he subsided his laughter and glanced over at me. 'I've been watching you struggle to say something for the past 20 minutes, and the best you could come up with was 'How's life?" he smirked at me.

'Shut up' I said giving him a push in the shoulder.

'Hey! Driving here'

I just shrugged my shoulders 'So? Tell me Fredweird' he smirked when I called him this. 'What college you going to?'

'I haven't decided yet? You?'

'SCU. Southern Cross University. In Coffs Harbour. Right next to the Beach.' I sighed in appreciation. I couldn't wait really.

'You know I never pictured you as the college type.' He said looking curious 'What are you going to study'

I blushed; I could feel my cheeks reddening. I wondered what he would think when I told him. He raised his eyebrow at me waiting for me to reply.

'History' I mumbled.

'What was that?'

'History' I said louder.

'History? Really? Wow, and what are you gonna do with that?' he asked.

'What do you think numnut? Teach it.'

He laughed again. Smirking. I swear I was really starting to hate that mocking smirk of his. 'You? A teacher?'

I figured I'd get this reaction so I just turned and stared out the window again.

'It's not a bad thing' he said. He must have sensed my annoyance. 'Just unexpected. You seem to be full of surprises Sam. I never thought 4 years could change someone so much'

'I'll say' I muttered under my breath. He didn't hear me and continued. 'Not that you've really changed' he said defensively. 'It's the little things, you know? Like you sit straight' I turned from the window and stared at him. Giving him my full attention finally as he poured out his own list. Just like the one I had for him. 'You hate your curls, and care about your appearance more, where as you never used to give two cents what anyone thought of you, and you loved your curls, because they were alive and crazy just like your personality. You control your every movement; think twice before you do things. I didn't know you were ever capable of that, you were always so spontaneous.' He paused and it looked like he was having difficulty saying what he wanted to say finally he took a deep breath 'It just feel's like sometimes you have this wall around you. Like your not being yourself' He finished and there was a dead silence in the car.

I just stared at him. I couldn't believe him. Maybe I have changed but it's none of his business. I mean. So what. I'm happy with myself. And besides it's easy to be care free when you're an ignorant 15 year old. Now? Maybe not so much.

I put my head on the window and stared at the passing scenery.

'Say something Sam?'

I didn't. I couldn't. I was still shocked from his revelation.

'See, this is what I mean. If I had said that to you 4 years ago you would have hit me till I surrendered. You wouldn't have sat that there like you're doing now ignoring me.'

I watched as he pulled the car over on the side of the highway. He turned of the ignition and just waited. I couldn't take it. He was right I had changed so much and I hadn't even noticed. But I didn't care. He still had no place to say those things. Accuse me like that. _I was doing the same thing to him with the mental 'how has Freddie changed' list_ my conscience kicked in. frustrated I got out of the car. I walked a little far away to the start of the forest that neighboured the stretch of road we were on. Taking deep breaths I heard him come up behind me.

'I'm sorry Sam.' He said. I could hear it in his voice, the regret and shame.

I turned and looked up at him. I could feel anger bubbling in me. I didn't want him to be right about me. 'You should be Benson.' I started yelling at him, my hands flailing around like I was some kind of mad women, but I didn't care. I was caught in the moment. 'Where do you get off hey? Saying that. You don't know me Freddie, you might think you did once but that was a long time ago. We' I pointed between the two of us 'are very different people. What gives you the right to judge me like that?' I finished my rant, huffing and puffing. Waiting for his reply.

He just stood there. Staring at me like I had three heads, he wasn't expecting my outburst, clearly. 'Well?' I yelled. 'See, you cant eve-' I was cut off. Freddie had taken the step between us and kissed me. Correction was kissing me. I don't know why he did it, but in that moment I melted. I forgot all about the argument we were just having. I forgot where we were. I forgot my name. All that mattered was Freddie. It didn't take me long to register what was happening and respond. His kiss was tender, but full of need. I could feel his tongue begging for entry on my lips, which I gladly opened my mouth to accept. I didn't know how long we stood there but eventually a car drove past and beeped. Successfully scaring the shit out me. I jerked away from Freddie. I could feel my bruised lips and blushed. He just smirked.

'Wh- What was th- that for?' I stuttered. I actually stuttered. Oh God!

'I wanted to' he shrugged, his smirk still ever present.

Shocked I could feel my anger coming back. He was being so cocky! 'Well don't think it's happening again.' I walked around him, back towards the car. 'You caught me by surprise is all' I said, knowing I was lying more to myself then to him. 'and If you try it again Benson, you won't be having kids!' I opened the car door and got in, waiting for him to follow.

**(A/N: well there's part one! See that button under what I'm writing. Yeh that one. CLICK IT! ******** reviews make me smile and update quicker. (L) )**


	8. Chapter 8 Something's never change

**(A/N: Here's part 2, chapter 8 XD, read n review)**

**Carly's POV:**

I woke up to an empty bed. He was gone. Where? I didn't know. Did I care? I didn't know. I got out of bed and walked to the bathroom. I stepped into the shower and let the steaming water run over my body. I could feel my muscles relaxing and my bruises tensing. Wincing from the pain I gingerly got out to examine myself in the mirror.

I wiped at the steam on the mirror; leaving behind one thick line through which I could see the bruise on my cheek.

Pathetic. I never thought this would be my life. I starred at the large bruise on my face and sighed. I used to cry in the mornings, but these days I felt like a dried up river. I had no more tears to shed. I opened the cabinet and took my usual doses before returning to the bedroom. I got dressed. I didn't plan on leaving the apartment so I wore jeans and a tee. I walked downstairs to the kitchen, planning on breakfast. I walked to the fridge but didn't open it. There was a note from him attached to it.

'_Got called into work._

_Guys are coming over tonight._

_Wear what I bought you.'_

There wasn't even an 'I love you'. He didn't even sign his name. Just 'Wear what I bought you'. I assumed he meant the little black mini dress he had me wear whenever he wanted to parade me. Show me off as the shiny trophy on the top shelf. I opened the fridge with a strong craving for melted cheese. I went about making my breakfast and 10 minutes later I had melted cheese on toast sitting in front of me. I picked up the first piece and went to put it in my mouth. But as soon it was close enough for me to really smell it my stomach flipped. I dropped the toast and ran to the sink, unloading stomach lining down the drain. I hadn't eaten anything since lunch the previous day so my stomach was empty. Making my hurls even more painful. I could feel the acid burning my throat. When I finally felt like had nothing else to bring up I filled a glass of water and skulled. My throat was so dry.

That was so weird. I had wanted that melted cheese so bad but as soon as I smelt it I was sick. Ignoring the plate of toast on the table I walked to the couch and put on the TV. I sat down not really watching the Family Guy re-runs in front of me I was thinking about what had happened yesterday. Seeing Freddie. I hadn't seen him in months. Ever since I yelled at him. I had to do it. I didn't want to. Not a day goes by I don't regret it. But he would have never understood. And he was with Sam. I couldn't believe it then and I still cant now. I hadn't seen her in 4 years. When she left everything changed. And I can't help but think if she had never gone my life wouldn't have ended up like this.

I pulled out my phone and scrolled through my contacts. Freddie's number was still there. I starred at it for ages. My thumb hovering over the call button. But I couldn't do it. I couldn't get out of my situation. Freddie couldn't help me. It would only make things worse. I sighed and closed my phone. Staring blankly back at the TV.

**Freddie's POV:**

We had been driving all day. But we had made good time and should reach L.A tomorrow night. Finally I pulled into a motel in Crescent City just inside the Californian border. I parked and turned to look at Sam. She was asleep. Curled up in her seat. I was right before. When I wondered what she would look like sleeping. She was so peaceful. Her features so care free. Which was a big deal considering the odd angles that she was curled up in. It looked extremely uncomfortable but there she was so tranquil with the hint of a smile playing on her lips. I didn't want to wake her but I knew I had to. I reached over and pushed her hair out of her face. She had barley talked to me since the incident on the side of the highway. She had responded to me fully when I kissed her. But I couldn't help but think that the cold shoulder I was getting now was everything I should have expected from Samantha Puckett.

'Sam.' She didn't respond. 'Sam' I said a little louder, but she truly was dead to the world. Her only sign of life; that small smile. I leant over, close to her ear 'SAM!'

She jerked awake. A look of plain shock and fright on her face. She looked so vulnerable before understanding took over and anger crept in. 'What the hell did you do that for?!' she demanded.

I laughed at her. 'We've stopped.' I said pointing to the large motel sign illuminated across the car park.

'Oh' she said softly sitting up and rubbing her eyes. 'Where are we?'

'Crescent City, California. We should get to L.A tomorrow. But I can't drive all night. So here we are.'

she looked out at the motel. I didn't know what she was thinking. But it wasn't a crap place. I had driven around for a bit looking for a good one so we wouldn't be sleeping on cockroaches. 'You alright?' I asked.

'Yeh, I'm good.' She turned to me and smiled. 'But it's your shout. Let's go.' She leant into the back and grabbed her bag. Getting out of the car and slinging it over her shoulder. I just stared at her as she walked to the reception.

I got out of the car with my stuff. Locking it three times to make sure. And followed her into the motel. When I got there she smiled and handed me a key. 'I thought I was shouting?'

She held up my wallet and smiled. 'You did.'

'Sam! You can't take my wallet.'

'Sure I can, I just did.' she smiled again and walked of towards the rooms.

'Something's just never changes' I said under my breath. I looked at the key in my hand, number 13. 'Well that just makes me feel so much better' I said.

'Why are you talking to yourself?' I looked up and Sam was staring at me from the doorway I had seen her pass through seconds ago. She was laughing at me.

'No reason. Come on.' I said and we went to find the room.

**Sam's POV:**

I looked at the motel. Great! After what happened before, I didn't think about the fact that we'd have to stay some where tonight. But here we were. Just great!

'You alright?' he asked. No I wasn't. I was nervous as hell. I did kiss him back after all. What if I did it again? Shut up Sam! You're talking about Freddie here. You can control yourself for one night. What am I talking about! One night? What happened on the highway was not happening again. I took a deep breath. Samantha Puckett you have officially lost your mind!

'Yeh I'm good' I smiled at him for reassurance. 'But it's your shout. Let's go.' I leant into the back seat, grabbed my bag and Freddie's wallet out of his without his notice, a talent I would never loose, and got out of the car. I walked to the reception. I would get a room with TWIN beds.

I walked to the counter and rang the small bell. A few seconds later a short plump women, who reminded me of Molly Weasley **(A/N: sorry for the potter input, but she was the best example I had for this women)** only decked in designer cloths. Kind of weird for someone who works reception at a motel. 'Can I help you dear?' she asked me.

'Ah yeh, I need a room with twin beds please. Just for tonight.'

'Sure sweetie' she bent under the counter and grabbed a key 'Here you go, last twin' she smiled. 'Enjoy!'

I looked down at the number '13' then back up at the women's overly charming smile. _Because this doesn't feel like something bad's gonna happen at all _I thought sarcastically.

I heard the door open behind me, plastering a smile on my face I turned and handed Freddie the key.

'I thought I was shouting?' he asked me.

'You did' I said holding up his wallet for him to see.

'Sam you can't take my wallet.'

'Sure I can, I just did' still smiling I turned away from him and started walking towards the rooms. I had gotton about 20feet before I realised he wasn't following me. I went back to the reception. He was still standing there, looking at the key and talking to himself. 'Why are you talking to yourself?' I asked, trying and failing to hide my slight giggles.

'No reason' he said. 'Come on' he walked past me and began looking for room 13. I followed him down the hall until he stopped outside the door with a large brass 13 on it. He put the key in the door and we walked in. it wasn't bad. At least I could tell it was clean. But it was small. Sure it had twin beds. But the space between them was almost non-existent. It had a tiny adjacent bathroom that consisted of shower, toilet and basin, squashed in on top of each other. I threw myself on the closest bed. Lying on my back looking at the ceiling. I sighed.

'It has character' I heard Freddie say as he sat next to me on the bed. I looked up at him and we both started laughing. He lied back on the bed next to me. 'It could be worse.' He said.

'I spose. I guess it's only for tonight.'

'Yeh and it beats sleeping in the car.' He smirked.

'I was pretty comfortable until you woke me.' I said.

'Sam no one could possibly be comfortable in the position you were sleeping.'

'Obviously they can, I'm living proof' I smiled broadly. We fell into a silence. We were just lying there looking at each other. I could feel the air twitch. Oh no! Not this again. I have to stop this. Just when I was about to interrupt the silence he talked.

'Why don't you like the curls anymore?'

'What kind of question is that Fredweird?'

'I thought we were over the pet names?' he asked with a small pout.

'Something's never change' I smiled.

'Yeh' he scoffed 'I've noticed. But you didn't answer the question.'

'I dunno, just got over them' I answered but it wasn't true. I didn't know why I had gotton rid of the curls, considering when I was young they were a kind of trade mark thing for me. But as Freddie had pointed out so kindly on the highway, I had changed a lot whilst in Australia.

'Bullshit. What's the real reason?'

'I don't know ok. I guess because I was in a new place, surrounded by new people. I didn't know anyone. It was kind of like I lost myself you know. And in effect something's about me changed, even without notice.' I stared back at the ceiling and sighed. 'There just curls. Why do you care?' I asked.

'I miss them.' he said so quietly I almost didn't hear him. I looked back at him. We just looked at each other. Staring into his eyes. I knew what was happening and I was having trouble stopping it. Freddie sat up a bit, leaning on his elbow, looking down at me.

'Huh?' I said. It was all I could let escape my lips. The small insignificant word.

'I said I miss them' he sounded more confident this time. He was so close. All I had to do was lift my head 2 inches and we'd be kissing. We were on a bed. In a motel room. I almost laughed at how cliché it was. I could see him leaning. He was going to kiss me. I had to stop it. But did I want to? I mentally ran through my reasons. I was leaving in 2 months. He was my friend I couldn't lead him on and then leave. What would that mean for the two of us? It wasn't as if we could have a small fling and I'd just forget about it. And what about him. Whatever was happening between us, if I let it happen, it could be more then a fling and that scared me more then anything. Decision made, I snapped back to reality just in time to slide away from him. I stood up and grabbed my bag. He was sitting up on the bed fully now looking at me. That same disappointed expression on his face as the last time I had run out on his attempts. 'I'm gonna have a shower.' I said quickly and practically ran, though the distance was so short I doubt it was noticeable, to the bathroom. Closing the door before he could reply to me. I new the moment I saw that 13 that something was gonna happen, at least this time I got away. But keeping it up was gonna be a full time job. Committing to it was going to be even harder. As much as I told myself no, at that moment there was nothing I wanted more then to go back and make Freddie's night.

**(A/N: Mwahahaha. Raise hands if you loved that last sentence. Yes I was proud when that cam out of my head. Very quirky lol. Ill shut up about it now XD. What did you think. Review please. It keeps me writing. Much love, Michelle-lee XD )**


	9. Chapter 9 Georgie & coffee

**(A/N: Part three, I rekon you guys are gonna like this one ;) Enjoy!)**

**Sam's POV:**

I could feel the sun creeping in through the windows. My eyes flitting open instinctively. Groaning I rolled over to face the other bed. It was empty. I sat up and looked around. But I couldn't see Freddie anywhere. Passing it as nothing I got out of bed and walked to the bathroom. Rubbing the sleep from my eyes, stumbling across the room half asleep. I tripped on the corner of the bed and fell flat on my face with a thud. Ouch! I rolled over and looked at the ceiling. This wasn't looking to be a good day. Just then the bathroom door opened and out came Freddie. He was wearing low riding jeans and he didn't have a shirt on. His hair tossed in every direction and wet. He looked so… hot! My god! Who knew Freddie Benson was going to grow up and look like that.

'What are you doing on the floor?' he asked me bringing me from my thoughts. Blushing I pulled myself from the floor.

'Nothing, I tripped.'

'Oh, well showers free.' He smiled and walked over to his bed. He started going through his clothes. Probably to find a shirt.

'Right' I mumbled. I was still watching him. No, worse, I was starring. No, worse then that, I was full out perving on the boy. Raking him with my eyes. This wasn't good.

'Well are you gonna just stand there or are you gonna have a shower' I snapped my eyes from his naked chest to his face and blushed worse then ever. This was so out of character for me. What was I doing? God. Freddie had me upside down and backwards. Something I defiantly wasn't prepared for. He was laughing softly at me. I ran through my head for something to say. Witty, to get some of my dignity back.

In the end I huffed. Looked him up and down again with a hard glare. 'Put a shirt on Freddie, I haven't eaten yet and I'm quite fond of my stomach lining.' And with that I turned around and walked to the bathroom slamming the door behind me. I walked to the basin and looked in the mirror. It was still steamy from Freddie's shower. I wiped it with my hand. My face was still red. And my hair looked a mess from sleep.

'I'm going to get breakfast!' I heard Freddie call through the bathroom door. 'Any requests?'

'Anything with coffee' I called back. And turned back to my reflection and groaned. What was I going to do? I couldn't remember ever being this physically attracted to someone. Sometimes it felt like it was all I could do to stop myself from jumping him. I quickly ran through my reasons as to why this was such a bad idea. It took several minutes but eventually my body agreed with my head. And I calmed down. It was times like this I wished I was a boy, when all it took was a cold shower.

I turned on the shower and got in. letting the water drench my hair. I could see my curls returning. Maybe I would keep the curls today. Just for old time's sake. For Spencer. Yeh ill keep the curls. Just for today.

**Freddie's POV:**

I was standing in line at the local pancake house. I couldn't stop thinking about Sam that morning. It was hilarious to watch her practically undress me with her eyes. Though she'd never admit that's what she was doing.

'Can I help you sir' the girl behind the counter asked me. I ordered mine and Sam's breakfast and then walked back to the car. On the way back to the motel I stopped at Starbucks and got Sam her coffee.

When I got back to the motel Sam was still in the bathroom. The door was ajar though and I could hear a hair dryer. I put the breakfast on the table and walked to the bathroom. Opening the door I saw her with her head between her legs and the hairdryer in her hand drying the bottom of her hair. I smiled at this. She turned the dryer off and flipped her hair back. That's when she saw me. 'What?' she asked at my smile.

'Nothing just looks funny when you do that.'

'Shut up' she laughed. Turning back to the sink she picked up the hair brush and started brushing. I watched. I was expecting her to turn her hair straightener on but instead she got out what I presumed to be moose or some other hair product and started styling her curls. It didn't take her long, but when she was finished her curls looked just like they did back when I used to know her. The flash back was so strong; she looked so much more like Sam with her curls. 'I thought you didn't like your curls?' I asked her.

'I don't but I want Spencer to recognize me straight away. And besides its only one day.' She smiled 'Do I smell pancakes?'

I laughed. 'Yeh, that and your precious coffee are on the table' she walked passed me and sat at the table. I watched as she ate her breakfast, it was unusual. She still wasn't slouching, her hair wasn't in her face and she didn't have syrup all over her but there was no doubt she was eating faster then a normal person should. I wasn't sure if this was good or not. Scoffing down food was a very 'Sam' tendency but doing it nicely and as cleanly as possible had the new Sam written all over it.

'What are you staring at nub?' I just smiled at her. I was starting to get a creepy kick out of it when she used her old pet names for me. I dunno, maybe it was a comfort thing, but I liked it.

'Nothing. Are you ready, because I wanna get back on the road as soon as we can.'

'Yeh, we can leave when I finish this' she said pointing at her half eaten pancakes. 'Freddie?'

'Yeh?'

'How come you never thought of contacting Spencer before now?' she looked at me, her eyebrows lowered in a frown. She looked confused.

'I dunno.' I said honestly 'I guess when you're not around someone for that long, they can sometimes slip your mind.'

'Did I ever slip your mind?' she asked quietly.

I smiled 'Sometimes, but I could never forget you Sam.' She looked up at me and feeling a spurt of confidence I raised my hand and held her cheek. Rubbing her face softly with my thumb 'even if I tried.' It was almost as if we were having a staring competition that allowed blinks. We sat there and just looked at each other, subconsciously leaning forward. And then, trust my luck, my phone rang. Blasting 'Warp' by the bloody beetroots through the room. We both jumped as I scrambled for my phone I couldn't help the feeling of déjà vu. I looked at caller id. It was Georgie. I groaned and opened the phone.

'Hey Georgie' I said unenthusiastically.

'Freddie. Hey. So Pete said you weren't home. Where are you? I thought you might wanna come over. I just got the spa fixed and I'm dying to show you my new bikini.' _eugh_ Georgie was Pete's cousin and she was in love with me. She also had the impression that I liked her back. Though she couldn't be more wrong. Georgie wasn't the type of girl you would call respectable. Let's just say I wouldn't know what I was catching if I went there. But she was Pete's cousin and so all thoughts on the Georgie subject were kept silent.

'No Georgie. I'm out of town for the weekend. With a friend.'

There was a small silence and then Georgie's tone changed. 'Are you with that blonde!' she snapped.

'What?'

'Gibby told me he saw you with some chick the other day. Some bitch you used to go to school with. ARE YOU CHEATING ON ME?'

I knew Sam had heard her outburst because she seemed shocked and hurt all at once. 'Georgie' I said calmly, while wresting my hand on Sam's arm in an attempt to stop her leaving. 'You're not my girlfriend. And it's none of your business who I spend my weekends with.'

'What are you saying?' she sounded like she was crying. 'Ar- are y- you breaking up w- with m-me?'

'Oh for Christ's sake Georgie. Could you be any less delusional? I'm not having this conversation with you ok. Bye.' And I hung up.

I looked up to Sam she looked even more confused now then she did before. 'Who was that?' she asked.

'You remember Pete?' she nodded 'yeh well that was Georgie. His cousin. She's in love with me.' I gotta say that at that moment the last thing I had expected Sam to do was laugh but she did. She started with a giggle and by the time she was calming down she had stomach aches and red cheeks. 'I'm sorry' I said 'but why is that so funny?'

'It's funny because you seem so irritated that some girl loves you so much, but that's exactly the way you were with Carly. Remember?'

'Yeh but I was like 12, this chick is 19 and she takes it a bit further then I ever took it with Carly. This chick would tie me down and have her way if I let her.'

'Wow, thanks for the mental picture there Fredweirdo.'

I smiled. 'No problem.' I watched as she shoved the last piece of pancake in her mouth and then sculled the rest of her coffee. 'Ok. You ready?'

'Sure am, just let me shove everything in my bag.' I waited for her as I cleared the table. When she was done we left the room and walked down towards the reception. 'Gimmie the keys. Ill put the stuff in the car while you check us out.' She said.

'No way! I'm not letting you be alone, out of eye sight with my baby. You're staying with me. It'll take 2 minutes to check out. Stop being so impatient.'

She rolled her eyes at me 'aren't you supposed to rush things when you're trying to save someone from certain doom.' She asked.

'No other wise you miss the warning signs and clues.' I looked at her strangely. 'You stopped gamming didn't you?'

She just nodded and walked to the reception counter. 'Hi we'd like to check out please'

**(A/N: Haii guys. Sorry this is taking so long. But my life is pretty crazy atm. Many things at once. Like applying for the navy and my HSC exams. Which are pretty much the biggest exams I'm ever going to sit? But don't worry I finish those on Monday and my next navy meeting isn't for a few months. So if I have time between all the party's as me and my friends all turn 18 and celebrate the end of our high school careers lol you can expect them quicker. Maybe one every week if I have it in me. :D ok enough with me babbling on about crap you don't care about XDXD. What did you think of this chapter? I know it's smaller then usual. But I'm happy with it. If you have beef or just wanna compliment me on my awesomeness XD press that little button with the green writing. Yeh that one. Press it and tell me what you think. XDXD**

**Much love **

**Michelle-lee )**


	10. Chapter 10 Telling Spencer

**(A/N: Chapter 10… I'm a tad excited about this one!)**

**Carly's POV: (this is set the night Freddie and Sam stayed at the motel.)**

I was sitting on the couch. The TV was on but I wasn't paying attention to it. I never did these days. Its sole attraction being a conversation stopper. I was looking at what I was holding in my hands. It made me sick. Twirling my biggest mistake through my fingers thinking… naivety. I'd said that word so many times in the last year that I didn't understand it anymore. How ironic. But there wasn't much I could do about it now.

It was times like this. When I had the apartment to myself that I thought about my life as a third party. Looking over my life like a doctor looking for disease. I think what if… and that, that small moment of hope is what kills me every morning. And yet I couldn't end the day without it. I wasn't sure if I was even sane anymore. My reactions had changed, my demeanor had changed. I just prayed every night as I curled up in bed that my realization of that fact was my tie to normalcy… if my only.

Looking back down at my hands I placed the mistake in my pocket. Hiding it from view. Just then the door opened and in walked Gavin.

'Hey babe' he said as he walked to me and kissed me on the cheek. 'Why aren't you dressed?' he asked me. I had completely forgotten he wanted to have his friends over. '

'Umm I was cleaning' it was a lie but I prayed he bought it. He looked around the room and then back at me. Staring me down with his cold eyes. I tried and for once was successful at holding back my flinch.

'Get dressed' he said in a harsh tone and then walked to the fridge. He was getting a beer. Typical. I left him to it and went up stairs to change. I had a shower. I was in the shower when it came over me. The heavy lump in my stomach churning. I felt so sick. Running out of the shower I made it to the toilet just in time to watch everything I had eaten that day run down the sides of the bowl. And then nothing. When I was empty I washed my mouth. Normally when I was sick like this I would feel sick but I didn't. I was perfectly fine now, as if I hadn't just regurgitated my stomach lining….weird.

When I got out of the shower I did my hair. Put on my make-up and slid into my dress. Then I went downstairs. When I got to the lounge room Gavin was on the couch with David. His best friend and the biggest sleaze if I ever met one. I watched as he raked me with his eyes. Then saying something to Gavin which made him laugh and look at me hungrily. I walked into the kitchen; I put on my apron and began making dinner. It was going to be a long night.

**Freddie's POV:**

'You should have turned left there!'

'I did turn left'

'The other left, look just turn here and chuck a u'ie' **(A/N: u'ie = U-Turn. I wasn't sure if that was an aussie thing or not so just to be safe.)**

'That's one way Sam!'

'Whatever give me a minute. What street are we on?'

'What do you mean what street are we on? You're the one giving _me_ directions!'

'Why are you yelling at me!'

'Because you're incompetent! Look why don't we just stop for directions.'

'Stop being such a women Benson we don't need Directions!'

'Ok I swear we've past that coffee shop before!'

'Yeh we have. That's not good'

'Ya think?'

'Watch it Benson!'

'You watch it!'

'No you loser. The lights green!'

'Shut up. I knew that!'

'Yes I could see that by the way the car was stationary and the guy behind us told you where you can put it!'

'That's it I'm pulling over!'

'Oh here we go'

I pulled the car over. Sam and I had been bickering like that for the last half an hour trying to find Spencer's stupid gallery.

'Look' said Sam in what I presumed was her calm voice 'I know where we are. I'm sure it's just down the road.'

'I'm still asking for directions' I replied. Sam had already sent us on this goose chase for half an hour. I wasn't going to start listening to her now! I got out of the car and walked into the small antique shop I had parked in front of. Making my way through the piles of expensive junk I finally found the counter and not so surprisingly the old women running the store. She was short and plump with oversized glasses that magnified her eyes. She looked like a fly.

'Good morning sir, can I help you?'

I could hear Sam behind me sigh. 'Yes I'm looking for the ShayArts Gallery. Do you know where I can find it?'

She smiled at me. 'Oh yes it's about 5 stores up the road. This side.'

'Thank you.' I turned and walked passed the smirking Sam out onto the busy street again.

'I told you so!' she said following me up the road, jogging to keep up. She was still smirking when we reached the gallery. I didn't go in though. I dunno why I paused but it finally hit me why we were there, what we were doing. Sam must have noticed my hesitation; she put her hand on my shoulder. 'You ok?' she asked me.

'I guess. It's just. I always hoped it wouldn't come to this you know?'

'Yeh, but just think, soon we'll be rid of the douche bag and we'll have Carly back.' I looked down at her smile. 'So come on' she said. Grabbing my hand and dragging me through the door. A normal person on a normal day would have stopped to admire the pieces but Sam and I moved through the gallery with eyes for only one man. He was leaning against the wall at the far back of the gallery next to a sculpture of what I presumed to be a tree made of forks. He was talking to a blonde woman in a business suit. Probably a buyer. Before I could halt again Sam's grip on my hand tightened and she dragged us towards Spencer. 'Excuse us' she said to the women in the most charming voice I'd ever heard her use and dragged Spencer away.

'Hey! What do you th-….Freddie?... Sam?' not surprisingly he looked more shocked by her presence then mine. He stared at the both of us wide eyed. Sam just smirked.

'Ta-da!' she smiled quickly and then frowned seriously 'we need to talk… now!' she said gesturing to the blonde.

'Look guys…' he looked between us with a mixture of happiness and annoyance. This must have been an important woman he was talking to. 'It's nice to see you but I'm really busy. How bout I give you my address and you can come by later tonight.'

Before I could answer though Sam jumped in again. 'No Spencer we need to talk to you now. It's about Carly.' This time he seemed to get the picture. He nodded and turned back to the woman. Dismissing her he gave her a card, probably his business card and she left with a smile. Then he turned back to us. Gesturing to the sofa seats in the middle of the gallery. Walking towards them I noticed that the gallery was empty now. at least we would be having this conversation in private.

'What's wrong with Carly?' he asked as we sat down. I could see the worry starting to take residence on his face.

'Well it's not really her that's the problem more so Gavin.' I answered.

'Gavin? Gavin who?'

Me and Sam exchanged looks. 'Her boyfriend' Sam said confused. 'He lives with her in the apartment.'

'What!? Since when? I told her she wasn't aloud to have people move in without my permission. I'm the one paying for the place!'

Sam looked at me to answer. 'Yeh he is older then her, 23 and he's really bad for her. But she won't leave him.'

'Yeh he's a psycho, been in jail. Takes drugs, and hits her! But she just won't leave him. So we've come to you. Surly you can help, right?' Sam looked at him, almost pleading in her question with her eyes.

Spencer didn't answer. He stood up and started passing. He was thinking and muttering to himself. I thought he was going into shock. I know I would be I were him. Carly was always the perfect child. And now she needed to be saved from an abusive relationship she was persistent in keeping. Almost like she was addicted or something. How ironic that the drugie becomes the drug.

'How long did you say he's been living there?' he asked after a minutes pacing.

'About a year. She stopped talking to me because of him about 5 months ago.'

Spencer took a deep breath and sat down again. 'Ok ill take the rest of the week off. I'm going home. I have to sort this out. No sister of mine is going to waste her life with an egomaniac asshole.'

'I'm sure if she were here she'd say thank you' said Sam in what I presumed to be a comforting tone.

'Yeh well it goes for you too.' He smiled at her. She wouldn't admit it but I could have sworn I saw her blush.

**(A/N: I have worked out that I'm the worst person for deadlines. As soon as I set them for myself I condemn myself to break them. So from now on there will be no chapter timing. They will appear randomly as they have been from the start lol. In other news ;) I tried to make Spencer sound a bit mature then he is in the show. It seemed right to me that now he was living flash in L.A and a known artist he would have matured a fair bit. Tell me what you think of it and if I wrote it ok. Plus any guess as to what Carly's big mistake is… if you guess right I'm not gonna let you know cuz it'll ruin it but I still wanna see your guesses. XD My this is long. Ill end now.**

**REVIEW… it makes me smile XD )**


	11. Chapter 11 Reunions and Heart Stoppers

**(A/N) ok guys its here, a chapter for my story, its only taken me like a year... to be honest its been a rocky year and i pretty much forgot about this untill i was cleaning my room the other day and i found my old drafts, so ive decided to start writting it again. hope you guys enjoy this :)**

**Chapter 11**

**Sam's POV:**

The drive back to Seattle proved to be much faster then the trip down. we didnt stop over night. Spencer followed me and Freddie in his car. the trip was also silent. i suppose everyone was trying to take in the seriousnes of the situation at hand, but then i wasnt sure if Spencer had even really grasped how serious it was, he would find out soon enough, if anything he was obviously desperate to get to Carly.

I looked at Freddie, he was lost in thought just as i was, i could see a small frown creeping on his cheeks. 'How much longer' i asked. he turned to me and took a deep breath, 'i'd say about half an hour, you should sleep, ill wake you when we get there.'

It was breaching on the early hours of the morning now, but i couldnt sleep, like him my mind was running at 100 miles per hour, what was going to happen when we got there, would Carly be happy to see her brother?, would she leave Gavin?, would she leave with Gavin? 'Im ok' i replyed and turned to look out the window.

We pulled into Bushwell Plaza, Spencer right behind us. Freddie parked the car and i got out. I could feel my heart pumping, i was nervous and excited and freaking out at the same time, but i controlled my emotions. that was one trait i would never loose touch of. once Spencer and Freddie had locked there cars, we all walked to the lobby. Lewbert was asleep in his chair, snoring, when we walked through the door he stired and started to yell at us for interuppting his beauty sleep. i giggled mentally, pleased at the fact that there was at least one person who hadnt changed completly. when we got to the lift, Spencer pushed the number 8 and up we went. What happened next, none of us suspected, the door opened at level 8 and standing there waiting for the lift was Gavin. He looked at Freddie and glared, then he looked at me and raked me with his eyes and he smiled sadisticly, it was disgusting, i wanted to vomit, but then he looked at Spencer, and if i was wanst mistaking i could of sworn i saw a hint of confusion in his expression. And then it hit me, Gavin had never met Spencer and so he had no idea who he was.

'Morning Fucktard' he said to Freddie then turned to me with that disgusting smile again 'you to' did he not remeber i kicked the shit out of him the other day. uurgh guys are so thick!

Spencer took a step forward as if to say something but both me and Freddie held him back, as if we had both made the silent revelation and then silently agreed that it was best to have gavin leave and not no that we had carlys brother. we walked past him, freddie technically shoved past him. and then we turned to see him step into the lift and close the doors.

'Atleast we know hes going to be out of the way for this then' i said

'Wait are you saying?'

'Yeh thats Gavin, Spencer'

'Biggest Twat ever!' i added, for good mesaure.

We continued down the hall untill we reached carlys door. i knocked... there was no answer. i knocked harder. i could hear someone thumbling with locks behind the door before it opened.

All i can say is when that door opend i felt pure shock, as a cold chill ran down my spine.

**Carly's POV:**

It was early, Gavins alarm was ringing and it was making me sick, litterly sick. i got up and rushed to the bathroom, i almost didnt make it the the bowl before last nights dinner came up. There was no denying it anymore. I had to tell Gavin. he was getting ready for work. He worked for the city council, filling potholes on the roads. it was a dead beat job, but then again i guess it was pperfect for him. Im not gonna deny it, i cried then. For the first time in months i Cried, not just cried, i sobbed, tears streamed down my cheaks for the realisation that i was in to deep, there was nothing i could do now. i was going to have to bear a child to Gavin Moore. The Bane Of My Existance.

'What the fuck are you doing?' it was Gavin he had walked into the bathroom to find me on the floor hugging the loo and balling my eyes out. i quickly regained my composure. i stood up, flushed the toilet and washed my face, before turning to face him.

'I'm Pregnant' that was all i said, i didnt no how to soften the blow for him.

He stared at me and then it happend. 'What the fuck do you mean your Pregant! how did that happen, Have you been cheating on me?' he was screamin at me, and whats worse he had me cornerd in the bathroom, why did i decide to do this here, this was my fault, i knew it. i let this happen and now i was paying the price for my actions. But cheating? he was delusional, that or it was an excuse to beat me for what i'd done. in my expreience it was the latter. 'It was with lou, wasnt it, i've seen the way he looks at you' he grabbed my face, gripping tight and lifting so i was standing on my tippy toes. i tried to deny his acusations but it was futile he had built him self into a rage, and then it happened, he punched me, full force in the head, and everything went black...

the next thing i remember, i was lying on the floor of the bathroom and i could hear a knock, it was the door. i slowly pulled myself of the floor. i looked in the mirror, there was no mistaking the massive black eye i was now sporting. the banging from downstairs continued. i left the bathrrom and grabbed my dressing gown as i walked down the stairs to get the door. i opend it to find Feddie and Sam again, but this time they had a new weapon. They had Spencer.

**Sam's POV:**

She looked like Hell. that was the best word for it. Her hair was a mess, she was wearing a ratty old dressing gown, and she was now sporting a massive purple black eye. we were all frozen just looking at each other. no one said anything but Carly stepped sideways and opened the door to let us in. we all followed her and walked to the lounge the three of us sat down while Carly went and put the kettle on. so far no one had said anything.

Spencer couldnt take it any more. He got up and walked into the kitchen to Carly and he hugged her. that was all it took. she burst into tears on his shoulder, she cried harder then i had ever seen anyone cry in my life, it was as if she was finally letting go. i think Spencer was who she really needed all along. he broght her over to the couch and sat her down. we were there waiting for her to regain her composure for about 20 minutes. when she finally stopped crying she sat up wiped her tears and looked at the three of us before saying what no one expected.

'Im sorry, i really am, but you cant help me. i love gavin and...' she bowed her head as another tear fell. 'Im pregant'

**(A/N) Well there it is guys, its short cuz i rushed it, but ill put the rest up soon. if there is anyone that still follows this then thankyou. the fact you waited a year for my update is awsome thanks :) hope you guys enjoy this.**


	12. Chapter 12 Truth And Lies

A/N: Chapeter 12, has been in the works for awhile. i must admit im having trouble keeping this story alive but when i read it i think its good to not be finished so if it takes me forever i will finish this story :)

Sams POV:

I was shocked, there was no other word for it. i could belive it. How could all this happen in just 4 years. I was so sure that when i came back here everything would be as it was. We would sit in the studio, watch movies, i would tease freddie and Spencer would make us spaghetii tacos. It wasnt supposed to happen like this. Carly was the stongest person i knew here in seattle, the carly i knew would never have let this happen. 'Pregnant' she said, the word rung in my ears but i could bring myself to accept it. it wasnt right. I looked at carly, she looked broken, traumatized even. I made a move to hug her but spencer stopped me.

Spencer rose out of his chair and walked to the phone. 'hello, yes police please' Carly snapped her head towards him.

'Yes i need an avo orderd, ive been living out of town for a while and my little sister has been prone to abuse from a man named Havin in my absence... yes shes with me now... a statement? sure... apartment 8D bushwell plaza... you know it? great. thank you officer, see you soon.' He hung up the phone and faced us. Carly rose from her seat and walked towards Sepncer i felt Freddie hold his breath next to me as we watched her. Spencer was still watching her also.

WHACK!

Spencer held his face. 'HOW DARE YOOU!' she screamed. 'I DIDNT ASK FOR YOUR HELP, I DONT WANT IT! DONT YOU GET IT...I love him.' she fell to the ground in front of him sobbing hard and holding her chest. Now she looked broken. I rushed from my seat to the floor next to her and i held her. I rocked her back and forth in my arms cooing softly that it would be alright while she drenched my shirt with tears. I looked at Spencer, he had a hard look on his face, determined. the i glanced at Freddie, he was thinking about something, watching me carly, when our eyes met he gave me the smallest smile ive ever seen, if i wasnt trying so hard to read his face i might have missed it. I looked back down to Carly she was clinging to me but her sobs were starting to subside. 'I'm taking her upstairs' i announced and i slowly helped he of the ground, i wrapped my hands around her while she still clung to me and walked her to the elevator. We took it to the studio, i could have taken her to her room but selfishness made me bring her here. I wanted to see it. I wasled her to a beanbag and sat her down on it, then i looked around. It was exactly as i rember it minus the inch think layer of dust that resisded on everything. It saddend me a bit, we were so young back then and now time had aged us more then our years.

I kneeled infront of Carly and took her hands in mine. 'Carly?' she raised her head and looked at me so i continued. 'Carly are you ok? and dont give me bullshit, im your best friend, i need to know your ok, i cant stand to see you like this. Its my fault if i hadnt left this wouldnt have happend!' Im sorry!'

Carly just stared at me, i waited praying she would say something... and then she did.

'It's not your fault Sam, I would have met Gavin still, and i still would have fallen in love him... we would still be hear'

I sighed but i didnt push the arggument. 'When did you find out?' i asked.

'About a week ago'

'Do you know how long?'

'I think maybe 2 months but i havent been to the doctor'

'Would you like me to go with you?'

She paused for a moment and then nodded.

'Does Gavin know?'

She shook her head.

'You dont have to talk to the cops now but you will' i said it with authority. She looked up at me questioninly.

'Carly, you knew my mother, dont think you can hide bruises from me, Freddie and Spencer maybe, but not me' i said sternly and she bowed her head in shame. 'Why do you let him do this to you, he's broken you Carly, i dont think you love him at all, i think your terrified of him and what he might do.'. She gaped at me and didnt reply. i took that as confirmation of my statment and yet disbeleif i had come the that conclusion.

I stood up and reached for her hand. 'come on if you want out of here before the cops come lets go' she thought for a moment and then she grabbed my hand. she even smiled, the first genuine smile i had seen on her in 4 years. We walked towards the elevator again, this time taking it to the lobby. We walked past the Lewbert and out into the parking lot. I led her towards Freddies Car and let her in. She looked at me with confusion. 'I swipped his keys' i shrugged.

'Do you have a washington liscense?' she asked i just smiled, i have a New South Wales Liscence, i just have to remeber to stay on thee wrong side of the road' i laughed but she didnt seem convinced. 'Just get in okay'

i put the key in the egnition and soon enouogh we were pulling out of the drivway to Bushwell Plaza. I drover to the doctor. When i stopped the car i turned to look at her.

'What are we doing here?' she asked.

'Carly, if your pregnant, you need to see a doctor.' i emphasized the word need. but she still just sat there, refusing to move, so i got out of the car waled to her side and draged her out of the car. She protested but in the end she let me drag her inside. we walked to the reception desk. the girl behind the desk looked about 16. she smiled at us 'Welcome to Dr Daynes office, What can i do for you?' she asked. I looked at Carly but she didnt seem like she was going to say anything so i spoke for her. 'My friend here took a few pee tests and they said she was pregnant.'

'Ah, okay then' the girl smiled, 'take a seat just over there' she pointed to a row of seats behind us ' and it will probabbly be a 30 minute wait.' I thanked the girl and led Carly towards the seats. I sat her down and then my phone rang, It was Freddie. 'Carly im going to take this outside, wait here.' she nodded and i walked out the front of the surgery.

'Hello?' i answerd

'Sam! Where are you? the cops are here'

'Im at the doctor with Carly, if shes pregnant she needs to see a doctor and shes in no place to speak to the cops anyway.'

'But-'

'She will speak to them, just not yet okay?'

I heard him sigh 'Okay' there was a pause 'Hold on how did you get to the doctor?'

'I took your car' i said matterfactly.

'YOU WHAT?'

'Calm down Freddie, ill be carefull, i promise'

'What the hell Sam! You cant just take my car!'

'Look Freddie just calm down, well be back soon.' and i hung up on him. i sighed and just looked at the scenery, i had ached to get back here and i finally knew why, because Seattle was aching for me. My phone buzzed again, this time a message but it wasnt from Freddie, it was from D.

Sam, Call Me!

So i did. her ohone rang twice before she answerd screaming into the phone. once she had calmed down i talked. 'Whats up?'

'Sam, Your not going to belive this! Jake's not leaving anymore, he applyied for SCU and he got in, he said he didnt want to leave you! isnt this great when you get back you can still be together!'

I didnt know what to say, My mind was so preoccupied being back in Seattle i had barley thought of Jacob at all. But i was excited, I loved him, i didnt know if i was 'IN' love with him, but he made me happy and i definatly didnt want to break up with him. But then i rememberd i had kissed Freddie, sweet Freddie, i Always had a soft spoot for him, though i strictly didnt show it as a child. Would that count as cheating now? why did i even do it? Im going back to Australia in just under 2 months, I could string him along.

'Hello! Sam? Are you there?' I was pulled out of my thoughts

'Oh My God D thats amazing, Im so excited. Look i've got to go but tell him i miss him and i cant wait to see hime ok' i smiled and hung up' she would call me later and drill me for that i knew it but for now i had to get back to Carly.

I walked back into the surgery and over to where Carly was Sitting. Just before i sat down a nurse came in to the room 'Carly Shay?'

'Thats us' i said as Carly got to her feet and after the nurse. When we got into the room the nurse sat Carly on a bed and i took the chhair in the corner. 'Just get comfertable and Dr Dayne will be in in a moment.' she smiled and left. We sat in silence for about 5 minutes when Dr Dayne cam into the room. She was tall and blonde and had bright green eyes. She smiled at the both of us. 'You must be Carly?' she asked and Carly nodded, 'Bethany told me you took a home pregnancy test and it said you were pregnant?' Carly nodded again. 'Alrighty then' she smiled again and took a seat next to Carly infront of the ultrasound machine. 'Now im just gonna have a look at the baby and see if we can find a heart beat' she put the gell on Carlys stomach and i watched as she shiverd from the the coldness. Dr Dayne them put the scanneer to Carly's belly and started moving it around. she smiled at Carly 'The beat is very faint so yould have to listen carefully' she smiled. i watched as she moved the scanner arounds looking carefully at the blob on the screen. I was straing my ears to hear anything but i just couldnt. The room had gone deathly quiet. Dr Daynes smile falterd and she put the scanner down and turned the machine off. Carly looked at her confused, but i knew what was about to happen, i had seen it before.

'Im so sorry, Carly, but your baby dosnt have a heart beat. Youve miscarried. i know this is hard to take in, but your going to need to be careful for the next few days because your body will flush the baby out.' I looked over at Carly, Dr Dayne was still talking but neither of us were listning, Carly looked distraught, she couldnt move.

'I'll give the two of you a minute to take this in' and with that Dr Dayne left.

Withought saying anything, Carly got up, she wiped the gel off her stomach and walked out, i follwed her out to the car, i unlocked the door so she could get in and then i got in the drivers seat.

'Where?' i asked

'Home' was all she said.

A/N: haii chapeter 12 hope you guys enjoy :)


	13. Chapter 13 Kicking Ass and Vommiting

A/N: haii guys chapter 13...ooh an unlucky number, wonder what that means for the gang? :)

pluusssss! dustieisaloser10 really appreciated your reveiw, i tend to doubt myself so thank you:)

Freddies POV:

She hung up on me! SHE TOOK MY CAR! I loved that car, i was going to scour it for marks when she got back. If she so much as got dirt on the wheels I-

'Freddie?' Spencer called me pulling me out of my thoughts. I walked back down the stairs to the living room to find Spencer with two policemen. 'There not here, Sam snuck her out and took her to the doctor' Spencer looked mad 'Sam said Carly will make a statement shes just not...' ummm? 'in the right frame of mind' yeah thattl do it 'at the moment' one of the cops nodded and turned his attention back to Spencer. 'This is my card, thats my direct number so when your sister is ready call that and we'll be around straight away, also if there are any problems' he said the word problems in a way that made my body shiver 'Dont hesitate to call.' and with that he and his partner left the apartment.

Spencer walkled to the couch and sat down, i followed him and we sat there in silence for a while... and then it happened.

The door opened.

Spencer and i turned expecting to see Carly and Sam.

But it was Gavin, he walked in casually, slumped his jacket off at the front door, And then he noticed us.

'What the Fuck are you doing in my house Lesbian' Gavin threw at me, 'And who the fuck are you?' He questioned Spencer.

Spencer rose from his seat, slowly and walked to Gavin. I could hear fight music in my head, little drum rolls, i had never seen Spencer look so threatingly, standing over Gavin. 'My name is Spencer Shay, and this is my house!' he said and with that Spencer right hooked Gavin so hard and fast his arm was a blur. I was out of my seat now, watching the scene take place. Gavin was on the floor holding his face. Spencer grabbed him by the collar and rose him to his feet before slamming his back into the door. 'How dare you put hands on my little sister' Spencer's voice was so cold.

Gavin glared at Spencer. 'Your 'little' sister, aint so little now. She loves me! and were gonna have a family. I saw the test she tried to hide from me! I know and theres nothing you can do about it!'

Spencers glare hardened and then the elevator opened and in walked Sam and Carly. Carly looked spaced out and Sam look worried. When there eyes landed on the scene that was taking place Sam froze but carly walked over to spencer and loosend his grip on Gavin. spencer reluctantly let Gavin go.

'See' said Gavin, smirking at Spencer.

'Gavin Stop!' said Carly she looked ghostly white. 'I think you should pack your bags and go.' she looked at me and Spencer as well before turning back to Gavin.

'Im not going anywhere' he said matterfactly, especially now that i know your pregnant!'

If it were at all possible Carly went even whiter 'Theres no baby' she whispered.

'What the fuck do you mean theres no baby! I saw the test you tried to hide from me. I thought i told we dont keep secrets' He said the last part with menace, i wastched as Carly stiffened.

Sam stepped forward and put a hand on Carlys shoulder, giving her an encouraging smile then turning to fix a deathly glare on Gavin.

A single tear slid down Carlys face 'Its still' was all she said before she turned and walked up the stairs.

still? she must mean... Oh god, the baby wasnt alive, she had miscarried. my heart panged for Carly in that instant as i watched her sobbing form retreat up the stairs.

Sam took a step further 'Your heard the lady' she said 'Get your shit and get out!'

Gavin stepped towards Sam and i felt myself pull Sam away from him, she leaned into me, still glaring at Gavin.

'Word of advise?' said Gavin as he grabbed he jacket 'She wont stay away from me, she cant!' he looked at all three of us and then added 'Dont underestimate this' and then he left.

I felt myself let go of a breath i didnt know i was holding. Spencer was still staring at the door. Sam slid out of my hold and stood nect to him. 'It's ok Spence mums boyfriends use to say shit like that to me all the time. Its just an intimidation techneiqe. That all the coward is, TALK.' He nodded and then walked to kitchen 'Anyone want a drink?' he asked. I glanced at Sam but she was stairing at the staircase. 'I think im just gonna go up to Carly, she needs a friend right now' and with that Sam walked up the stairs and dissapeared aaround the corner.

'Freddie?' asked Spencer.

'No thanks Spencer' i replied 'Im gonna go home and see if my mums home.'

'Oh okay then' he sighed

'I'll probbaly come back later, watch a movie or something? get our minds away from this for a bit?' I suggested and he brightened a bit.

'Thanks Freddie' he said. and i walked towards the door. i was just about to shut the ddor behind me when I heard Sam scream.

Sams POV:

I walked up the stairs, i could hear Carly in her room crying. It tore my heart to think of the pain she must be in right now. When i walked into her room i saw her in her bathroom with a tray of pills infront of her.

'Carly what the fuck are you doing?' i asked shocked as she threw her head back and swallowed the pills in her hand. I pushed passed her and looked at the bottles on the sink, Anti depressents, Oxycodone, and Sleeping pills. 'What the Fuck Carly, this shit could kill you! How many did you take?' i grabbed her as i walked her to the bed and sat her down. She laughed at me thorugh her sobbs. 'Oh Sam' she laughed 'You look so tanned!' she ran her hand down my arm. 'Australia loves yooou! she sang and flew her self back on the bed. Fuck! When my mother passed i thought i would never have to deal with this shit again. Atleast my dear mother had left me with the life lessons i needed to deal with this situation. I grabbed a bucket out of the bathroom and placed it infront of Carly.

'Carly!' i sat her up and placed the bucket in her hands. i grabbed the tie out of my hair and used it to put hers up. She was passing out but i knew i had to keep her awake. 'CARLY! WAKE UP, come one' i slapped her face a little. She opened her eyes and looked at me smiling. 'Can we do iCarly?' she asked me.

'Yes we can' i answered 'But first i need you to throw up ok?' i asked her. She shook her head. 'Okay Carly im going to put my fingers down your throat now.' Carly just giggled but she opend her mouth for me.

'FREDDIE! SPENCER!' I screamed urgently, once i got her to throw up we needed to get her to a hospital. then i slid my fingers down her throat, listning carefully to her breathing to make sure i wasnt blocking her airways. Freddie and Spencer barged into the room as Carly hurled all over me, missing the Bucket compleatly. i looked up at them desperatly. 'She took a bunch of pills' i said as a tear slid down my face. 'I think shes ODing'

A/N: mwhahahah, DRAMA. hope you guys enjoy ;)  
Reveiw please it makes me smile. 


	14. Chapter 14 Hospitals and Hormones

**A/N hey guys. Here's another update. I want to make one thing clear, I am updating this story, I promise you guys I won't let it hang. If it takes a while for me to update that will be because of my heavy and hectic lifestyle. But please stay tuned, it means a lot. **

**FPOV**

We were sitting outside Carly's room in the hospital. The rush to the hospital was such a flare of emotions it flew past without me really realising what was happening. Sam and I had brought Carly into the emergency ward while Spencer parked the car. Sam explained the situation to the nurse at the desk and they had taken her straight away. Spencer had walked in just as they were taking Carly and so the three of us followed and took our seats outside the room, where we are sitting now. I turned to look at Sam she was wringing her hands in what I presume is worry by the look on her face. I thought about how we got here. This wasn't how our lives were supposed to pan out. This was never Carly's fate. And yet here we were. I felt sick.

'Mr Shay?' a nurse asked walking towards us.

Spencer stood and looked at her expectantly, while Sam and I strained to listen to the conversation.

'Carly is fine, she is very lucky you got her here when you did. Mr Shay, your sister had the drug Oxycodone in her system. This is a high grade hospital medication; do have any idea where she might have got her hands on that. It's illegal to possess without prescription and an authorization letter from the hospital.' Spencer shook his head and then turned back to us. 'I don't know Spence' I assured him and he turned back to the nurse. 'Okay' she continued 'Well we have her on a stable condition, she's asleep now, as we've put her in a chemically induced coma. I must warn you Mr Shay, we are yet to know how this is going to affect your sister's brain function.' I watched as we all stiffened simultaneously. Spencer sat back down and put his head in his hands. The nurse continued 'Mr Shay, you must understand the dugs your sister took and the amount of them could have taken her life within the hour, as I said before she is very lucky you got her here when you did. I have her scheduled for an MRI in the morning, but until then she will stay in the chemically induced coma. You can go in and see her now if you like. I'm sorry' she finished with a sad smile and walked away checking her beeper as she walked.

Spencer stood and walked into the room, I rose to walk in after him but I felt a hand grab me. I turned back to see Sam holding on to me. 'Give him some time with her' she said I nodded and sat back down next to her. She placed her head on my shoulder and sighed. Just then her phone vibrated, I caught a glance and the name. Jacob. Suddenly my blood boiled. She sighed again and pulled away from me. 'I'm going to take this' she said and walked away. I sat there remembering the photo she showed me the other day it seemed like ages ago but I remember what she said. 'That's Jacob, he was my boyfriend' I watched her down the hall leaning against the wall, I couldn't hear what she was saying but I knew I didn't like she was talking to him. Especially in a moment like this.

**SPOV**

I looked at my phone. It was Jake; I turned to Freddie and saw him looking at the name. I sighed 'I'm going to take this' I told him and I walked down the hall. I leant on the wall as I answered.

'Hey' I said.

There was a delay before I heard him 'Hey Sammy, how are you?'

I closed my eyes to prevent myself from crying and took a deep breath 'I'm fine'

'You don't sound fine? Are you sure you're alright? D told me she talked to you.'

'Yeah she told me you're not going to UWA anymore.'

'Yeah, I wanted to surprise you but you know D, she couldn't keep a secret to save her life.' He laughed. 'So listen, I figured, seeing as I'm not moving anymore, I, I mean, we could still be together?'

I looked back down the hall and looked at Freddie, what was I going to do, I loved Jacob but I wasn't going to lie and say I didn't have a serious thing for Freddie either, but then I was leaving Freddie in 2 months, I was going back to Australia. Back to Jacob. The longer I looked at Freddie though the more I doubted whether that was what I wanted anymore.

'Sam? You there? Did you hear me?'

'Uh yeah I'm here, Jacob, look this is going to be hard for me to say and probably hard for you to hear so I'm sorry but, I do love you, I just don't know if I'm in love with you, I'm sorry but the more I think about our situation the more confused I become. I'm still in Seattle for 2 months, do you think, maybe I could have these two months to think about it?'

'I understand it's okay, take all the time you need. ' He sounded really disappointed 'but if it helps I love you too'

I smiled, 'thanks Jake'

'It's okay' he repeated.

'I have to go now Jacob….. Bye' I said

'Bye Sammy' he replied and I hung up the phone.

I walked back down the hall and sat next to Freddie again as Spencer walked out of Carly's room. 'You guys can go in and see her if you want. I'm going to get some coffee. You guys want one?' he asked. Freddie shook his head as I answered 'yes please.'

After spencer left I rose from the seat and walked into Carly's room. She was lying on the bed connected to about 20 different tubes. There were screens all around her monitoring her heart beat, breathing and all sorts of things. I watched as her chest rose and fell through the thin hospital blankets. She looked so small. A single tear slid down my cheek as I felt someone grab my hand. I turned my head to see Freddie. And I couldn't hold it in any longer I grabbed hold of his shirt and buried my face into it. I poured all my frustrations and insecurities, all my grief and longing, everything, I cried it all into his shoulder. I felt one of his hands wrap around my waist while the other rose to stroke the hair out of my face.

I looked up at him. I probably looked like shit. 'It'll be ok Sam;' he said 'she'll be ok.'

'This is all wrong Freddie, this sort of thing was never supposed to happen to her. I was always the fucked up one with the alcoholic mother and the trailer park home.' I pulled away from him and began pacing. 'I was the delinquent girl from the wrong side of the tracks. Getting mixed up in an abusive relationship, drugs, miscarriages; these are all things that were supposed to happen to me.' I paused my pacing. And looked at Freddie, he was silent, listening to what I was saying but his mouth was pulled into a thin line, I could tell he didn't like what he was hearing, but I was right all those things were supposed to be my fate, that's what made sense, or at least it did before I moved to Australia. 'Not to Carly.' I finished in a whisper and wiped another tear from my cheek. I sat in a chair right next to her bedside. I presumed it was where spencer was sitting earlier. I grabbed Carly's hand and held it tight before looking back up at Freddie. He looked as if he wanted to protest all of what I just said, but for some reason thought better of it and sat in another chair in the corner of the room. I watched as he put his head in his hands and sighed deeply.

Just then spencer walked in holding two coffees and a bottle of water. He passed the water to Freddie and a coffee to me. I took a sip of the liquid gold. It defiantly wasn't the best coffee I had ever tasted but it did the job. 'It's closing on 3 in the morning. I'm going to stay with her tonight but I think you two should probably go home.' I looked up at Spencer, he looked tired. So I nodded. I looked back to Carly. She looked peaceful. I leant over her sleeping form and kissed her on the forehead while Freddie gave Spencer a few condolences. And then we both walked out of the room.

Seeing as we had come to the hospital in Spencer's car, Freddie hailed a cab. The cab took us to my hotel first. We pulled up outside and I looked at Freddie. 'I could use a drink. Do you want to come up?' I asked.

'Sure' replied as he paid the cab driver and got out of the car. We walked to my room in silence. I wouldn't have said it was awkward but there was defiantly tension in the air. When we got to my room I fumbled with the key but eventually got us inside.

'Have a seat' I said as I walked to the mini bar and grabbed all the single serve alcohol bottles with two glasses and ice. Freddie had sat on the end of the bed so I sat there next to him.

'What's your flavour? I asked. 'There's scotch, whiskey, bourbon, vodka and tequila unless you want beer. I'm pretty sure there's Budweiser's in there. I said pointing back at the mini bar.

'I don't know, I don't really drink. I'm not 21, remember?'

'Right' I said. I thought about it for a second before calling it safe and just getting him a beer out of the fridge. 'Here' I said passing it to him.

'What are you going to have?' he asked me. I grabbed one of the glasses and some ice before pouring a full bottle of scotch over the ice. 'Scotch' I answered. 'Wanna taste?' I held the drink out in front of him. He looked at it wearily before taking a sip. I smiled as he cringed and passed the drink back. I took a large swig and sighed. 'It's an acquired taste I guess.'

We sat in silence for a while both just thinking and drinking. I took the last sip of my scotch and put my glass down on the small table in the corner. 'This is so fucked up' I said.

'Yepp'

I turned to see Freddie draining the last of the beer. 'Another?' I asked

He nodded. 'What do you see in him?' he asked me while I was getting him his beer.

'In who?' I asked. Sitting back next to him on the bed and pouring myself another little bottle of scotch.

'Jacob' he answered, swigging from his beer. I looked at him with confusion. 'I'm just curious' he pushed.

'Well, he's smart, he's funny. He looks after me and he's always treated me well. He's sweet, kind, and he loves me.' I shrugged my shoulders. And took another large swig. I could feel the effects starting to take hold, a couple more and I'll start slurring my words.

'Do you love him?' he asked me.

'I've been asking myself that question lately' I said as I turned to look at him. 'I mean I love him, I do! But I don't know if I'm 'in' love with him you know?' I searched Freddie's face for confirmation that I wasn't stupid but all I saw there was relief. He let out a long breath and sighed; 'I think I need a few more of these' he said and walked over to the bar to get himself more drinks.

5 scotch's and 8 Budweiser's later, Freddie and I were lying back on the bed reminiscing our favourite iCarly skits. I had just finished slurring the story of my favourite cowboy and the idiot farm girl sketch. We were both laughing. The alcohol had taken full control of me now. My vision was blurred and I was sure I was snorting while I laughed which a sober Sam would defiantly not do.

I looked up to Freddie to find him staring at me. 'You're beautiful' he whispered.

'I smiled, 'someone's had a wittle too much' I said in a sing song voice. He leant towards me and with his hand raised my face so I was looking in his eyes. 'I'm being serious Sam.' then he kissed me.

It wasn't fiery, passionate, or hungry like the one next to the highway all that time ago, this one was soft, pure and full of love and emotion. He pulled back and looked at me to gauge my reaction. I stared at him as my eyes glazed over with lust. I didn't know if it was the alcohol but I knew I didn't care, that was tomorrows problem. I grabbed him by the collar and pulled him back to my lips, smashing them against my own in a passionate kiss. I could feel his hands roaming my body. My mind went blank as I ripped his shirt over his head and he trailed kisses down my neck.

Freddie pushed me back into the mattress and ripped off my shirt. He stared at me lustfully and licked his lips. My god, that was a turn on. My head was spinning either from the alcohol or from the lust and pleasure surging through my body, my mind hazed I raked my nails down his chest, inching closer and closer to his belt.

**(A/N: alrighty folks, there's chapter 14. Don't fret my perverted pretty's the next chapter will be LEMON, the reason I have split them is because I know a lot of people don't like lemon so if you're one of those guys you can just skip the next chapter. ;) I have never written a LEMON before so it's going through super editing; I tried to hire Superman for this task but his in unfortunately unavailable. bummer. Anyhoo. Please review. Im being serious when I say if I don't get reviews I will hold my LEMON and possible further chapters hostage ;). REVIEW!)**


	15. Chapter 15 Scotch and Bedsheets

**FPOV**

'You're beautiful' I said as I looked down on her. I knew it was probably the alcohol but I couldn't help it.

'Someone's had a wittle too much' she sang to me in her drunken stupor.

I raised her face so she was looking me in the eyes, 'I'm being serious Sam' She had to know how I felt. Since I first saw her I haven't been able to get her off my mind. I had to know what she tasted like.

I leant down and gave her a tentative kiss. It was soft and I tried to tell her how I felt in that kiss. I wanted her to realize both my uncertainty and longing. When I pulled away I looked at her to gauge her reaction. She was staring at me with an emotion I wasn't sure of, perhaps a mixture of confusion and dare I say it… lust. She licked her lips and grabbed the collar of my shirt. In one swift movement she pulled me towards her and smashed her lips onto mine.

This kiss was fierier than the last. It was passionate and desperate, as both our tongues fought for dominance. My mind started to fog and I couldn't tell anymore if it was the alcohol or just her, but I wasn't thinking. I should have been…. But I wasn't.

I started sliding my hands all over her, desperate to feel and memorize every inch. She leaned towards me and pulled my shirt over my head. I almost growled at her but it came out as a moan as I dove in to her neck and started trailing it with kisses. I sucked and nipped until I found a spot just below her ear that made her make the most amazing sound I have ever heard. I thought I would explode then and there.

I pushed her back into the mattress a little hard but neither of us cared. I ripped her shirt off her and pulled back to admire her. She lay there, in front of me. Wearing a black lace bra that outlined and enhanced her breasts perfectly. She was gorgeous. I couldn't get enough. I licked my lips in anticipation. She must have been getting frustrated with my pause because she moaned as she started to rake down from my chest with her nails.

She was inching closer and closer to my belt and when she reached it she frantically started undoing it with one hand while the other snaked up around my neck, pulling forward into another passion filled kiss.

Once she passed the belt she made light work of the buttons and my boxes until my dick fell out into her hands. She grasped it firmly and my eyes rolled into the back of my head as she began to stoke me up and down while simultaneously grinding into me.

I'm not going to lie, I'm a bit ill practised, but I was starting to think Sam was not.

I moaned louder as she started kneading each stroke lightly with her thumb. I couldn't last to much longer if she kept this up; I was so sucked into the moment I couldn't hear my phone ringing, and it went un-noticed by either of us.

_1 missed call SPENCER_

_1 new voicemail SPENCER_

**SPOV**

I couldn't take it anymore; all rational thought had left my body. At this moment all I could think about was being right here in the moment with Freddie. I wanted him and I wanted him bad. The last time I had sex was the night me and Jacob decided to split and I won't lie I've been missing this sort of contact. But Freddie was a different lover to Jacob all together, where Jacob was soft and tentative always taking things slow. Freddie was full of passion, I just wanted to pull his hair, moan his name, throw me against a wall and thrust into me. The more I thought about it the more turned on I became, until I reached the point of no return. There was no turning back, I wanted it, he clearly wanted it, and the alcohol had made us both leave sense and sensibility at the door.

I pushed him up off of me and pushed him down on to the mattress. He looked up at me with lust filled eyes and licked his lips again. I went to pull his pants all the way off him but he stopped me. I looked at him confused, hoping he wasn't backing out.

'You first' he said in a husky voice. He was licking his lips, argghh I loved that. I raised myself onto my knees and started undoing the buttons to my jeans, revealing my lace underwear to match my bra. As I slid them off I watched his eyes following my hands and his eyes growing darker with lust. Once I was free from the jeans he pushed me down to the mattress and started kissing my neck. He hit my sensitive spot and I moaned so loud, he started trailing the kisses right down my body stopping only to nip and suck on a few places. Once he reached my underwear he slowly slid it down my legs revealing my vagina. I was literally dripping with excitement and anticipation for him and one look to his face told me he was enjoying every second of it.

Slowly he put his head down and touched me with his tongue. I had only ever experienced this once, with a short fling before I met Jacob, but that didn't even compare to how Freddie was making me feel. Each lick, touch, prod he made was sending electric storms through my body, I couldn't hold myself still, and I was moaning so loud. Then he stopped suddenly, mid moan, and looked at me, he smiled and I felt a whole new wave of lust rush over me.

And before I could ask why he had stopped he thrust into me. I screamed with pleasure and grabbed his back clawing it with my nails but he didn't wince, if anything the pain I was causing him just mad him thrust harder and faster. I could hear him moaning to now, as my walls started constricting I could see in his face he was close to climax. I wanted to go with him so I reached my hand down to my clit and started rubbing, lightly at first but as I felt his body start to clench above me I gave myself a fast rub and a flick and just like that I was flying. I could faintly here him moaning into his climax behind mine. Breathing heavily he rolled off me. And with out a word we both fell asleep.

**(A/N: I gotta say, not the most romantic but that was my point. They're both drunk and since when is drunk sex ever memorable. )**


	16. Chapter 16 Mornin Talks & Hospital Walks

**FPOV**

I woke up to the sound of my phone beeping. I rolled over to grab it when I realised a very naked girl with unnaturally straight hair lying beside me and then I remembered what happened last night. I didn't know how to feel about it. On one hand I was so happy, there was no denying that I wanted that to happen, but the question was should it have. And Sam was defiantly a team player last night, she wanted it the same if not more than I did. Maybe it would mean something, maybe she wouldn't go back to Australia after all, maybe, just maybe she would stay here… with me? A guy can dream right.

I didn't want to wake her so I slowly got out of bed and grabbed my clothes, putting them on. I would get some breakfast and we could talk about it over that. I grabbed my phone just before I left and listened to spencer's voicemail.

_Hey Freddie_

_Carly's fine still. The doctor did the MRI but we won't get the results until this afternoon. Um yeah I guess I just thought you should know. Tell Sam that when she wakes up….if she wakes up…. You know I really think she would want to see her, and you, but you know…. Well …. I guess I'll see you soon. …..bye._

Spencer sounded distraught on the phone. It made my heart ache. New plans first breakfast, then hospital, then talk about crazy sex with Sam last night.

**Sam's POV**

I woke with a start when I heard the door close. I rolled over and held my head groaning from the massive headache pounding at the walls of my skull. What happened last night? I pulled the covers off me and then quickly covered myself again. Holy fuck I'm naked! And that's when I remember what I did last night. What we did last night. I could feel my headache just triple in size. This was bad, real bad. I technically maybe still kind of had a boyfriend, and it was Freddie for Christ's sake.

Speaking of Freddie, where was he? Perfect not only did I sleep with someone I shouldn't have but they did the morning run out on me too. Fuck my life. I need a shower and then I would go to the hospital, fuck Freddie I can deal this fucked up situation another time. All I wanted to do now was be by Carly's side.

Once id had a shower and gotten dressed I grabbed my phone and bag and headed for the hospital. As I was locking the door to my room the last person I wanted to see right now rounded the corner with a large Starbucks coffee and a take away bag from IHop. I guess he didn't exactly ditch me after all. But that's not the point Samantha, it was a mistake. PERIOD!

'Peace offering?' he said as he handed me the coffee. I took it and nodded my agreement with him.

'Can we just, you know, pretend that last night?'

'Didn't happen?' he finished for me.

I looked up at him and tried to judge his reaction but his face was blank, whatever he was feeling he was masking it well. 'Yeah' I said 'I mean I know I'm not innocent here but last night was a really bad Idea, I have a boyfriend Freddie, I mean I sort of do but that's not the point last night it was just, a mistake.' I mumbling my explanations and looked up at him. He smirked at me 'it's cool' was all he said.

I watched him as he took a sip of his own coffee and we both just stood there looking at each other. I could slice this tension with a knife.

'Well I was just going to go to the hospital.' I said hoping to quit the awkwardness between us. He just smirked at me and nodded and we began walking down the hall together.

'I got you some pancakes' he finally said as we got to his car.

'Um… thanks' I said as I took them off him but I wasn't really hungry I just wanted to see Carly. We got in the car and Freddie started the engine. 5 minutes later we were outside the hospital. I reluctantly took a few bites of the pancakes before discarding them in the trash and walking inside. I followed Freddie to the counter and the nurse pointed us to the room they had Carly in. walking next to him through these crowded hallways we kept getting pushed closer and closer together. Every time he came within touching distance I kept getting flashbacks from last night. Him holding me, caressing me, sliding his hands down my stomach until he reached…. I physically gulped and mentally shook my brain trying to discard the memories.

When we reached the room we could see spencer asleep next to her bed. I pushed the door open slowly and crept in. Spencer looked the picture of worry even in his sleep. 'I'm going to wake him' I told Freddie as I walked over to Spencer.

'Spencer' I said softly as I shook him awake. Hi eyes fluttered open and he looked up at me.

'Hey Sam' he said as he rubbed his eyes.

'Why don't you go down to the cafeteria and get something to eat, you're not doing Carly any favours by starving yourself.' I said. He nodded and slowly rose out of the chair he was sitting on and shuffled out of the room. I took the seat he had just vacated and held Carly's hand in mine; it was warm yet completely lifeless. A single tear escaped my eyes as I watched her sleep. I felt Freddie's hand on my shoulder as we both watched her. Just then a nurse walked in.

'Excuse me sir?' she said looking at Freddie. He turned to give the nurse her attention and she continued. 'Are you Mr Shay?'

'No, he's just gone to the cafeteria but if this is about Carly you can tell me,' he said. The nurse looked uneasy about this so Freddie continued 'I'm a very close friend of the family'

'Well' the nurse started. 'Carly is a very lucky girl. The MRI showed no permanent damage to her other than the fact that she lost some of her sense of smell. Though this shouldn't really affect her. We're going to take her out of the coma but we warn you she should be a bit delirious when she wakes. Also as we understand this was a suicide attempt, the hospital has a policy that each patient with suicidal tendencies is subject to counselling.'

'You mean like a shrink?' asked Freddie.

'Yes, she will have to be assed by the hospitals psychiatrist on her mental stability. Before she is realised from the hospital.'

Freddie nodded 'was that all?' he asked.

'Actually there was one more thing. We understand that Miss Shay is pregnant.'

Freddie shook his head 'she miscarried'

'On the contrary' the nurse continued. 'Her baby is perfectly healthy, or babies, Miss Shay is having twins.'

My jaw dropped and I swear it hit the floor. 'But the gynaecologist said there wasn't a heartbeat.'

'I don't know what to tell you Ma'am , maybe the machine malfunctioned, but Miss Shay is 10 weeks pregnant with a healthy pair of twins, which is a miracle considering the ordeal they have just been through.'

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. This was so fucked up. I looked up at Freddie and could see my own emotions mirrored on his face.

Just then the nurse's beeper sounded. She looked at it and then back at Freddie. 'I trust that you'll inform Mr Shay of the situation when he returns, if you have no more questions I have to go.'

'Thankyou' said Freddie and the nurse nodded before leaving.

We sat in silence for about 20 minutes before Spencer returned. Freddie told him everything that the nurse told us. I wasn't listening though, I couldn't take my eyes off Carly, watching her chest slowly rise and fall with each breath. The past 24 hours have been so fucked up.

**(A/N: okay so chapter 16, what did you guys think? I bet you all thought she was gonna die hehe. Do me a favour and review, I really appreciate the feedback. Until next time, peace out homies)**


	17. Chapter 17 Decisions and Ultimatums

**(A/N: Hey guys here chapter 17. It's mostly Sam this chapter. Enjoy ;) **

**SPOV:**

It was 5 long hours before Carly woke up. The wait was almost unbearable. Freddie and Spencer were both asleep on the couch across the room, but I couldn't sleep. I couldn't take my eyes off her. When I got on that plane in Sydney bound for Seattle I did not expect any of this, not for a second. A huge weight was on my shoulders, I felt like I was carrying the worry and anguish of 1000 people on my back. I wanted to cry, I wanted to crawl in to a ball and sob my worry and regret away, and if I were still back in Australia I probably would have, but the more time I spent here the more my old self came back. The walls around me were getting higher and higher. The old Sam was back completely. I knew I changed when I went to Australia I couldn't deny that but I wasn't that new Sam anymore. Although I ached I couldn't cry. I was in denial about anything and everything that led to any amount of emotion. I felt like an empty shell.

I watched Carly lie on the bed. What happened to her? Somehow I couldn't help but blame myself. When we were kids Carly and I were to halves of the same whole. She was my soft and girlie side and I was her backbone. When I left there was no one to help her through whatever was going on, no one to stand up for her, no one that understood. Because I was gone.

Carly's eyes flickered open as I sat in my silent rant. 'Hey' she whispered to me. Her voice was horse and raspy but she still smiled at me. 'Hey' I replied. I didn't know what to say other than 'I'm sorry.'

She looked confused but let it pass. 'Am I dead?' she asked me.

I sighed and remembered the nurse saying she would be a bit loopy when she woke up so I smiled at her 'Nope, you're in the hospital.' With this she seemed disappointed.

'That's sucks' she deadpanned.

I smacked her hand not to hard but hard enough to make a clap sound. 'Don't talk like that Carly. What the hell were you thinking? You scared the hell out of me!'

'I'm sorry' she looked at me crestfallen, 'I just couldn't handle it anymore.'

I nodded I knew exactly how she felt. The walls were closing too fast and there was no other escape. It was an old fools dream. 'I know, and I'm sorry'

'What are you sorry for?' she asked me. 'You didn't try and kill yourself?'

'I feel like it's my fault, I should have been here for you when you needed me, now look at you, you're a wreck'

'Gee thanks' she almost laughed.

'You know what I mean,' I said 'it's my fault!' I looked down at our conjoined hands and sighed, a single tear sliding down my face; maybe the new Sam is still here somewhere.

'Sam' she called while squeezing my hand to get my attention. When I looked up at her she was serious. She had a hard and stern look on her face, she was glaring at me. 'You're an idiot!' she said. 'I did this to myself; you didn't do anything to me. Do you hear me? Do NOT blame yourself for my mistakes!' I didn't want to believe her, Carly was always such a permanent figure in my mind, and I couldn't believe that she could be transfigured like this by her own doing. 'Do you understand?' she asked again pulling me from my thoughts and shaking me a bit. I could only nod at her, but I didn't believe her. 'Good' and with that she relaxed back into the bed. She lay there with her eyes closed and deep breathing. 'Well if I'm not dead, what happened?' she asked me her eyes still closed. She looked like she was sleeping.

'The nurse said you've lost some of your sense of smell' I told her.

'How much' she asked, still not moving.

'Not much, she said it wouldn't really affect you, also the hospital wants you to have a psychic evaluation before they'll let you leave.'

'What like see a shrink?' she opened her eyes a bit to look at me.

'Yeah, apparently its policy, because you have suicidal tendencies they have to make sure you not just going to try and off yourself again as soon as they let you leave.' She seemed to take this in rather well.

'Hmm, well that makes sense' she said as she let herself fall back into the bed closing her eyes again.

'There's one more thing' I told her. She raised an eyebrow at me but didn't say anything. I guessed she was just waiting for me to continue. 'The nurse said that you didn't miscarry' I paused to gauge her reaction; she sucked in a breath and froze. 'She said both babies are alive and healthy which according to her is a miracle.' This as I expected caused Carly to try and sit up in her bed, all thought of relaxation gone. 'What do you mean "babies"' she asked me.

'Apparently you're having twins'

She let herself fall back in to the bed and stared at the ceiling. She seemed deep in thought. 'Twins' I barely heard the whisper leave her lips.

**FPOV:******

I woke up with a stiff neck wondering where I was. It took me a few seconds to realise I was still in the hospital. I looked over and saw Sam asleep on the chair next to Carly's bed with her head on the bed itself. Carly I then saw was awake. Smiling I got up and walked over to her. 'How are you feeling?' I asked her.

'I'm sorry Freddie, I'm sorry I put you through this and I'm sorry for all the things I said to you. Really I just didn't think you would understand and I was scared of your judgment so I got rid of you and I'm sorry I wish I could take it back' she looked so distraught as she said all this but she was right I didn't understand at all, but I still cared for her and I wasn't letting this get between us. 'Carly you don't have to apologize to me' I told her 'what's done is done, what matters now is your health and safety' I told her firmly so she would understand not to protest. She gave me a soft smile and I could see why I was so in love with her all those years ago, she truly was beautiful. 'Now really' I continued in a softer tone 'how are you feeling?'

'I'm fine' she said as she looked down into her lap, she seemed to be worrying about something. 'Sam told me what the nurse said before she fell asleep' she glanced up at me to watch my reaction I guessed so I just nodded for her to continue. 'About the babies' she said before stopping herself again and looking up at me as if she would find the answers to her unspoken questions in my face. What am I going to do Freddie? What if he finds out?' she was obviously referring to Gavin and to be perfectly honest I didn't know what she should do. She defiantly had to leave him if what happened earlier didn't do it for her but about the babies I had no idea, what experience did I have, I was an only child and my mother wasn't the best example of good parenting. 'Whatever happens Carly, I'm going to be here, and I won't let him hurt you or your children.' She smiled at me and sighed back into her pillow. 'Are you tired?' I asked.

'Yeah' she whispered, already half asleep. I walked back to my chair and sat down staring at the pasty blue wall in front of me. This was only the beginning; the road in front of us now was going to be a rocky one.

**SPOV:**

Three days later I was back at the hospital. I had pretty much lived here for the past three days, leaving only to change clothes and shower and finally the day had come for Carly to be released, Carly had seen the hospital shrink who subscribed a new brand of anti-depressant and a monthly check up appointment for the next 6 months. She had also had another ultrasound and I sat next to holding her hand as she cried at the sound of the little heartbeats pounding away in her womb. Today it was time to take her home. Spencer and I had been living at the apartment. Spencer had been cleaning it and throwing all of Gavin's things in the dumpster downstairs and after realising I was staying in a hotel convinced me to move in to the apartment for the remainder of my stay 'to look after Carly' was the persuasion he used to get me to say yes. She was smiling as I wheeled her out of the hospital to Freddie's car which I had once again 'borrowed' for the occasion. She jumped out of the wheelchair the nurse had insisted she use as soon as we got outside. I couldn't help but smile at her she was starting to act like the Carly I remember more and more. 'I'm glad you'll be staying with me' she said as we walked to Freddie's car, 'it'll give us some time to catch up and to be honest I didn't think I would be able to stay there at all if I were alone' she frowned at herself as she said this. I opened the car door for her and she got in. it was a slow drive back to Bushwell, the traffic was heavy but the weather was nice so I rolled down the window and relaxed while waiting for the traffic to move. It was then that's she spoke. 'So?'

I turned to her raising my eyebrow waiting for to continue 'What's been happening in your life lately?'

'You mean besides the last week?' I asked with a smile.

'I guess. Do you like Australia? Are you going to stay there? What are your friends like? Do you have a boyfriend?' she said all this rather fast.

'Wow, slow down, one at a time alright' I sighed. 'Yes I like Australia, its completely different to Seattle that's for sure but it grew on me' I smiled at her before continuing 'I'm going to University in northern NSW, in offs Harbour, it's on the beach and I can't wait, so yeah I guess I am staying there, for the next four years at least.' She frowned at this but nodded for me to continue. 'My friends are awesome, they never compared to you and Freddie' she looked at me pointedly 'Yes Freddie' I smiled 'he is my friend you know, I missed him too when I was gone' she smiled hugely at me but let me continue. I took the photo out of my wallet that I had shown Freddie all those days ago. 'Those are my friends. Prudence and Jude' I pointed to the twins in the photo. Then I pointed to the girl with blue hair 'That's Danika'

'Who's the hot guy with his arms around you?' she asked smiling at me.

'That's Jake, he's …' I was going to say boyfriend but I wasn't so sure anymore 'complicated' I could tell she was waiting for me to continue. 'He was my boyfriend but we broke it off before I came here because we were going to different universities and I don't do long distance. But I talked to him the other day and he said he changed his mind, he wants to be with me and so he is going to the same university as me now. But after being back here I don't know if that's what I want anymore.' I looked up at her hoping I could find the answers in her eyes. She looked pensive for a minute before speaking.

'These second thoughts you've been having, there not caused by another guy are they?' she asked me. I hated how she could be so observant; I had almost forgotten her most annoying trait was to completely involve herself in my personal life. I turned back to the road as the traffic was moving but we only got about 100 metres before we were stopped again. I glanced over to her, she was waiting for me to answer her, patiently, but I wasn't sure long that would last. I let out a loud sigh before answering her 'maybe' I whispered it, ashamed I was even admitting it.

'And let me guess, he's about yay tall?' she hovered her hand just above her head 'black curly hair? Has a pshyco mum? Likes computers?'

'Alright, alright I get it' I said I couldn't listen to that anymore. Was she right? Was I really jeopardizing my relationship back home for a summer romance? 'I don't know what's going on and I don't know if I should ignore it or not?'

'Well has anything happened between the two you? Has he tried to flirt with you or anything? Have you tried to flirt with him?' I grimaced as she said this. Looking at my lap again I took a deep breath and told her what I had been pretending didn't happen for the last 3 days. 'We slept together'

Silence. I looked at her and her mouth was hanging open staring at me in disbelief. 'But when you left you tow hated each other, you've been back a little over a week and you had sex with him?'

I nodded shamefully 'It wasn't even good, I mean it was but we were both really drunk and we just fumbled into it. There was no confessions of love or anything. It was just sex.' I looked at her 'believe me I've had my one night stands but I've never felt like this before….' I couldn't really describe how I felt, maybe I was starting to care for Freddie and maybe I would have like us to have something more meaningful. I guess I just felt '…Empty.'

'Alright' she said calming herself and surprisingly me as well. 'Do you know how he feels about the situation?'

'That's the thing Carly, I have no idea, but ever since I got to Seattle I can't help feeling drawn to the nub, it weird but it's like I'm seeing him in a completely different light and for the first time, its kinda scary'

'But you said you're not staying?'

I sighed again and pushed the car another hundred or so metres down the road 'yeah' even I could hear the anguish in my voice.

'Well then you have to ask yourself. Is it worth ruining your relationship at home for something that will not last?' she was right, I knew she was but that didn't help, I knew I would have to ask myself the question but I had no Idea what the answer was.

'I know but I just don't know what to do? I'm completely at a loss' finally the traffic was moving steadily and I turned the corner, now only a few blocks from Bushwell.

'Well, I can't make the decision for you but I have a thought,' I looked at her quickly urging her to continue before turning back to the road' I know Freddie and he doesn't love easily, I mean he's had a few girlfriends but I don't think he ever truly cared for them. Something tells me you would be different though. If you chose Freddie and he fell for you, you fell for him, when the time comes to leave, would you be able to go?'

I stared at the road in front of me, lost in the black pavement. This hadn't crossed my mind at all. Would I be able to leave? The honest answer was no but could I afford not to. My whole life was back home in Australia, could I give it up for him? I was thankful Carly didn't try and prolong the conversation for the three blocks to Bushwell, giving me time to process what she had said.

When we pulled up in the parking lot, I made sure to park in the spot Freddie had left his car in this morning; we got out of the car and headed for the lobby. Carly still hadn't said anything and my mind was going a million miles a minute. The elevator dinged on the 8th floor and we walked towards her apartment but before I could turn the key to let us in the door behind us opened and there in all his glory, the topic of our conversation, the reason my brain was all muddled, stood one Fredward Benson.

'Carly!' He said happily and hugged her.

'Hey Freddie... I'

'If you apologize one more time ill tape your mouth shut' she smiled at him and hugged him again. Then he looked at me 'Hey Sam'

I'm proud to say I held a very cool demeanour as I looked at him and replied 'Hey Fredlumps'

He followed us into the apartment which I was amazed to see Spencer had done a really good job at cleaning. It looked just like it had all those years ago, even BottleBot was back. Freddie sat on the couch while I helped Carly up to her room. She sat on her bed and watched me as I unpacked her things for her. 'I never knew you could be so…' she paused watching me as I carefully sorted her clothes. '…Motherly'

I looked up at her, she was right, I was kind of hovering her. 'your right, if anyone needs to be motherly it's you' I smirked.

She laughed at me 'I suppose your right. It's all still new to me, the idea of having children. It's defiantly something i hadn't planned. Hopefully Gavin will be back when they are born' she smiled dreamily off in the distance. I stared at her, surly I had heard wrong. 'Carly, you can't be serious. Gavin will not look after you ok. You need to get rid of this ridiculous belief that he will come back and be the knight in shiny armour you want him to be. It's not going to happen. You have gotten yourself into a serious situation. You failed at protecting yourself but I will **not** let you fail those children.' I huffed.

She stared at me like I had two heads. I thought she was going to yell at me but instead she just broke down, this was the first time I had seen her cry since the night she had tried to kill herself. I ran to her side and soothed her rocking sobs. 'Your right' she cried into my shoulder. 'I'm sorry'

'Don't apologize' I said as I rubbed her back. 'I love you and after the childhood I had, I just… no child deserves that kind of abuse. You let him back into your life, I'm scared that you'll subject your children to the same fate I had, and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy let alone my best friends children.' She pulled from me and wiped her tears. 'I guess I'm just scared to be alone.' She admitted mournfully.

I raised her chin so she was looking into my eyes. 'You are never alone Carly, don't ever forget that there are people who love you, I mean really love you. Please don't forget that' I pleaded and she nodded. 'Those little babies are counting on you now; their lives are in your hands.' She nodded again before hugging me. 'I love you Sam' she said to me 'I love you to Carls.'

**(A/N: alright guys that was chapter 17 lots of Carly and Sam bonding. I tried to show how close the girls are despite being away from each other for 4 years. I hope I got that across. And also I needed to show that Carly is still undecided about Gavin. As I said a few chapters ago Sam is Carly's backbone, I tried to really use that here as Sam tries to persuade Carly to grow up, accept her responsibilities and leave the douche bag in the past. ;) let me know what you think.)**


	18. Chapter 18 Dramas and Delusions

**(A/N: Chapter 18, wow can't believe I've made it this far. Thanks for all the reviews I've been getting. You guys are awesome, keep it up. This chapter is little longer than most because I had more time due to no internet access so I just kept adding and adding ;) this chapter does jump a lot between personas but it's mostly Sam and Freddie. And here we go, enjoy)**

**SPOV:**

'So… um…how have you been?'

The tension between us was intense as I smiled awkwardly at him. We were both sitting on the couch in the middle of the Shay's lounge room. Carly was having a shower and Spencer went grocery shopping, he had decided to make spaghetti tacos for dinner as it was his last night in Seattle before he had to return to L.A, I wish he had told me before he left, I would much rather be stalking the isle's at the local grocery store then stuck on this couch next to 'him'. We had barley talked since that fateful morning, mainly due to the fact that I had been avoiding any form of conversation with him, but now I was stuck here, alone and with him.

'Um… I'm fine… I guess' I choked out, refusing to look at him, keeping all my attention on the cartoons on the television.

'Listen Sam,'

No, don't say that. That's means he's going to say something I don't want to hear.

'I know you said you wanted to forget about what happened the other night.'

Yep here we go he's talking about it. Please someone kill me.

'But I know you've been avoiding me and I know it's because of what happened'

Fredward can't you just shut your mouth and let me deal with my internal struggles alone!

'So... I was thinking maybe we should talk about it?'

Seriously why me?

I sighed and turned to him 'Look Freddie, I'm sorry I've been avoiding you kind of, but there's a lot going through my head at the moment and for the love of god can we please not talk about it, I already feel disgusting enough' as soon as I said it I regretted it. I watched as his face dropped, causing my stomach to do the same.

'Oh, well, you know that's kool. I'm going to go; my mum needs a lift to her nursing book club.' He got up to leave, I had to stop him.

'Wait Freddie, I didn't mean it like that, I swear I-' I stopped myself, what was I supposed to say to him, I knew that I felt disgusted at myself for sleeping with him but it wasn't because I thought he was disgusting, I was starting to believe I thought the complete opposite, but I was disgusted because I had cheap drunk sex with a person I actually care about, I felt disgusted because I was ashamed of myself. The main problem was that I was terrible with words and trying to tell Freddie this was probably just going to offend him more. I chickened out of my confession, but still I didn't want him to leave like this. 'You can't go.' I said in a cheap attempt to make him stay. He looked at me and I could tell he was frustrated.

'Why not?' he said harshly and I tried to look as guilty as possible. 'I have your car keys' I held them up to him.

'What the fuck Sam I told you not to take my car, I can't believe yo-'Listening to him rant I couldn't help it, I was sick in the head but I had never felt more satisfied as I placed my lips on his. For a split second he froze against me and then he responded with fire. I felt like I was flying. What was wrong with me? I couldn't focus as he began running his hands down my back to grip my waist, within seconds he had spun me around and pushed me against the door, trailing kisses down my neck and across my collarbone. 'Freddie?' my mind was blurred by lust as he brought his lips back to mine.

And just when I thought it couldn't get any better the door started to open behind me. Freddie jumped off me as fast as he could and ran to the couch, strategically placing a pillow in his lap. I smirked at myself as I fixed my hair and moved out of the way of the door letting Spencer into the room.

'Hey kiddos, I got everything we need, Freddie are you staying for dinner?'

'Uh, yeah sure Spence. I'll be back in an hour or so, I've got to drop my mum off somewhere.'

'Okay then' I watched as Freddie waited for Spencer to head into the kitchen with his back turned before he got up to leave. When the door shut behind him I felt like I was going to be sick, what had I just done? I made a beeline for the stairs but I only got half way up before Spencer called out to me. 'Sam, tell Carly that I'm going to have that cop come over in the morning so she can give a statement.' I yelled back my acknowledgment without missing a step. When I got to Carly's bathroom she was still in the shower so I banged on the door.

'Carly!' I heard the shower turn off and then a rushed Carly with dripping wet hair and only a towel around her opened the door. 'What! What's wrong?'

'I need help' I started pacing in front of her. 'You were right I have to choose and I really shouldn't choose Freddie it would just fuck both our lives up completely.' I looked at her to see if she agreed with me, but she was rummaging through her draws looking for underwear so I just continued. 'I don't know what came over me, I told myself I wasn't going to do this and then he started going on about how I shouldn't steal his car but come on since when have I ever asked to borrow something of his and I don't know I just couldn't help myself.'

'Does this story have a point?' I looked at her and my shoulders sank. I have never felt more ashamed. 'I kissed him… again.'

I was expecting her to be mad at me, to slap me on the wrist and tell me I was a terrible person but she just laughed at me. She was fully dressed now sitting on her bed, laughing at me. I don't think she fully understood the situation. 'Carly, I kissed him and he kissed me back, I don't know what I'm going to do. I can't stay in Seattle, I just can't. Australia is my home now, my whole life is there and he is here. It can't work and yet I can't seem to stop myself.' I threw myself on her bed and sighed. 'What the fuck am I going to do?'

'Be indifferent' she said in a matter of fact way. I looked at her confused so she continued. 'Look before you go denying it you clearly have a thing for ol' freddikins' she smiled at the nickname 'and you say your defiantly going back to Australia, then you need to incorporate some of that 14 year old Sam Puckket we all remember. Be indifferent, pretend you don't care, and hopefully he'll take the hint and back off as well.'

'Hopefully?' I asked her.

'Well you're not just any girl, so this could completely blow up in your face, but its either that or keep doing what you're doing and then in 2 months when it comes time to get on that plane…' she trailed off but I got the idea. She was right I couldn't let myself fall for Fredward Benson. I had a new resolve, from now on I was going to treat Freddie like I would when I was 14, and no other way. PERIOD.

'Oh there was one more thing; the cops are coming for your statement in the morning'

'Okay' she sounded upset but then quickly masked her face with a smile, following me out the door.

**FPOV:**

When I got back to the shay apartment for dinner I didn't know exactly what to expect from Sam but of all the things I did think of this was not one of them, she was completely indifferent. She wasn't looking at me and everytime I tried to talk to her she would either ignore me or insult me. I was having serious de je vu and I was starting to get pissed off. First she attacks me and I don't mean the violent way and now she's acting as if I'm scum on her shoes, you just couldn't win with this women.

'What's on your mind Kiddo?' I was sitting at the island in the kitchen watching Spencer cook while Carly and Sam were on the couch. Sam was telling Carly some crazy story that her and her Australian friends had done. I didn't want to listen after a while because she kept telling Carly about Jake, putting emphasis into his name and gushing about how hot and strong he was. I wanted to puke so I came over here to watch Spencer cook.

'Not much Spence, how about you?' I asked trying to advert his attention. But before he could answer, my phone rang. I looked at it and physically groaned. It was Georgie, whatever she wanted, it wouldn't be good. I answered the phone with fake enthusiasm. 'Hey Georgie'

'Hey Freddie, what are you up to?' she asked in an overly sweet voice.

'Just having dinner with some friends, can I help you with something?' I was eager to end the conversation.

'Just thought I'd let you know that I'm having a party tonight, and it wouldn't be any fun unless you were there.' This girl doesn't let up. On the other hand I could use this as a way to get my mind off a certain blonde.

'I'll think about it Georgie' I said and she gave me the address in squeals. After I hung up I helped Spencer serve out dinner and then we all sat at the table.

Dinner was even more frustrating if it were even possible. I couldn't understand this girl. She chose to sit next to me at the table, but the whole time she just ate my food and every time I complained she insulted me or hit me it was like I had literally just stepped into a time machine. I had gotten so used to this new Sam that I had completely forgot about the old one, as if I thought that were even possible. Right now she was chewing loudly on one of MY tacos after she had scoffed hers down in record time.

'So I was thinking we could watch a movie or something?' said Carly, I don't know why but she was staring at me weird, like she was watching my every move. Fuck it, I decided I was going to Georgie's party, I needed to escape this madness for a bit, I was too confused to function anything like normal around them.

'Actually, I can't' I said, I noticed Sam stop chewing as she listened to me. 'I'm going to a party tonight.'

'A party? Whose party?' asked Carly

'Georgie's' I answered. Carly looked shocked.

'Isn't that Pete's cousin, the one that's in love you?' she asked me with her left eyebrow raised.

'Yeah, she's alright,' I shrugged my shoulders; I could feel Sam go stiff beside me and smirked to myself. For split second I hoped she was jealous, but that was wishful thinking I guess.

'You should tell your mum about this party, with any luck she'll send you there in an anti-bacterial bubble.'

I just rolled my eyes as I got up to rinse my plate. 'Well I'll probably get going then.' I walked over to Spencer and shook his hand. 'Another time Spence?'

'For sure kiddo' he smiled at him, Carly got up to give me a big hug and then I turned to Sam, she wasn't looking at me so I gave up, waving good bye I walked out the door and into my apartment to get ready for the party. It would be good to see the boys again, I knew both Pete and Gibby would be there. This was a break I defiantly needed.

**SPOV:**

I sat at the table feeling like shit even though I knew perfectly well I shouldn't be feeling like this. This was so stupid. I helped Spencer and Carly clear the table. Carly was picking a DVD to watch when my phone rang, it was D. I excused myself and walked into the hallway to take the call, staring stupidly at Freddie's door I answered. 'Hey Danika.'

'Well at least you remembered my name.' she said. With mock attitude.

'Sorry, things have just been a little hectic. What happening at your end.'

'Well for starters, Jude has a new girlfriend and you'll never guess who it is.' She didn't pause to let me guess but continued 'Isabella' Isabella was Jude's twin sisters worst enemy since the second grade when the fought over Baby Borns, trivial I know but the two girls have always disliked each other. 'Prudence must be pissed.' I said.

'Like you wouldn't believe' she laughed 'she told me she was going to shave the word syphilis into the back of his hair while his sleeping.'

I laughed. 'What else' it felt good to hear from D, I felt like I was taking a holiday from my current life here in Seattle. 'Not much, I heard about what you said to Jake.' My gut churned 'Is he ok?' I asked.

'He could be worse, in fact he should be'

'What do you mean?' I asked her.

'That's actually the real reason I called, from what he told me it seemed like you were just taking a break while you in Seattle, but he's taken this thing in stride.' She paused, I heard her sigh before she continued. 'Prudence saw him hooking up with some random at the club last night.'

I was in shock, and then I was hurt. I probably shouldn't, I had kissed Freddie, hell I slept with Freddie, I had done worse and yet I couldn't help feeling betrayed, I was a hypocrite, a hurt hypocrite. My silence must have worried her. 'Are you okay?' she asked in a solemn voice.

'I'm fine' I choked out.

'When Prudence talked to him he said that you were over and that he could do whatever he wanted… she said he was wasted.'

'That's fine, can you tell him for me , he just made my decision for me and when I come back to Australia I want nothing to do with him.' And the award for the worst hypocrite on the world goes to Miss Samantha Puckket. She was silent for a minute or so before saying 'okay.' The rest of our conversation revolved around the drama Danika's cousin was having with her son who had just been arrested for marijuana possession and Prudence's plans for her brother. After saying good bye to Danika I walked back into the apartment. As I was telling Carly about Jake something occurred to me, if I no longer had the relationship at home, what was stopping me from being happy now with Freddie, I told Carly this too, but she frowned at me and slapped the back of my head.

'What did you do that for?' I asked her.

'What about your school, just because you don't have Jake now doesn't mean you can run after Freddie, remember why you're holding back, you doing it for him just as much as you're doing it for yourself.'

She was right. I looked at her, she was so smart, and how did someone with all the right things to say, the smart one, end up making all the wrong decisions in life? I knew then, that if it was going to be hard to leave anyone, it would be Carly.

**FPOV**

I just didn't get Sam at all even though when I think about it I didn't get her at all when we were kids either. I pulled up outside Georgie's house sighing in defeat. Tonight I will completely forget Sam. That was my goal. Whether it would actually happen was a different story.

'Freddie?' I turned to see Pete walking over to me as I shut my car door, locking it three times just to make sure. 'Long time, no see mate, How you been?' he asked me shaking my hand and leading me towards the house.

'I've been pretty good, I guess'

'Yeah I heard about Carly mate, that's tough, she ok?' Pete's mum worked at the hospital. 'She's getting there. You heard Sam's back?' I asked before realising I was supposed to be forgetting about her. Pete grew silent. He dated Sam years ago and even though they broke up on good terms they were never really friends afterwards. 'Yeah, how is she?' I mumbled.

'The same' an answer I wouldn't have given 2 weeks ago but seemed to explain her perfectly now.

Pete had led me into the house and we were in the kitchen now, he was pouring us both a beer from the keg, normally I didn't condone underage drinking, especially since I'm driving but tonight I am forgetting Sam and I need some help with that. Looks like I'll be sleeping on my back seat. It was then that I head the girly scream of excitement that led both me and Pete to shiver with discomfort.

'Freddie, you came' she squealed as she launched herself at me.

'Hey Georgie' I said prying her hands off me

'Georgie get off him, we don't know where you've been' said Pete with a smirk.

'Go fuck yourself Pete.' Said Georgie before turning back to me, she looked around me as if looking for someone before continuing 'What happened to the chick you were with when I called you last?' she asked me in a bitchy tone.

'Her name is Sam and she's with Carly, I presume watching movies or something.' I answered. For a night I was expecting to be able to forget about Sam she seemed to be the topic of every conversation. Georgie's demeanour changed instantly back to her quirky over excited self. She put one arm loosely on my shoulder, I imagine she was trying to be seductive as she whispered 'Good because I don't feel like competing for you tonight' running her other hand slowly down my chest. I glanced at Pete who was laughing at my discomfort. I shrugged Georgie off me and took a step backwards. 'Trust me I said, if it was between you and Sam there's no competition' I knew straight away she would take it the opposite of what I meant. She smiled widely at me, I rushed to protest but she shushed me and leant up to kiss me. I pushed her away instantly. 'Fuck Georgie, how many times do you need the hint before you get it' I yelled a little harshly at her, but seriously she pushed me too far. I stormed off with a laughing Pete trailing behind me.

'Let's go sit on the couch and wait for Gibby, he should be here soon' said Pete. As we walked over to the couch I noticed a pretty girl with reddy brown hair sitting there also, I recognized her as Hannah, a friend of Georgie's. As we sat Pete wasted no time in talking to her, his trade mark smirk curling his lips as he flirted. As I watched everyone at the house party mingling I was left to think, but before I could mentally picture a certain blonde another blonde sat down next to me. 'Hey' she said smiling at me. She was without a doubt a very beautiful girl. Her blonde hair was short and straight, cutting off just below her shoulders. She had striking green eyes and was wearing a light green strapless baby doll dress. She was gorgeous. 'Hey' I replied as I ogled her, suddenly forgetting Sam might be a little easier.

'You must be Freddie?' she asked 'I'm friends with Hannah' she nodded towards the couple next to us.

'Yeh, I haven't been out much lately' I said

She smiled at me 'I'm a bit like that myself; I'm only here because Hannah dragged me so she could flirt with Pete' I watched her laugh.

'Do you go to Ridgeway?' I asked her; surely I would have noticed this girl before now.

'No I used to live next door to Hannah, that's how we know each other but my family moved down to Pittsburgh a few years ago, I'm just visiting.' She explained. 'I really like your web show you know?' she blushed at me. I hadn't really had anyone come up to me about iCarly in ages, in fact I thought the hype had completely died.

'Thanks' I replied earnestly 'it was fun while it lasted'

'It was too bad your friend had to move, what was her name again... Sarah, no it wasn't that' she was mumbling to herself. I laughed 'her name's Sam' I said and once again she had wormed her way back into the forefront of my mind.

'Yeah that's it, Sam, I liked her' she said before glancing over my shoulder and groaning. I followed her stare to see Pete and Hannah making out passionately right behind me.

'You want to go for a walk?' she asked me with a hopeful smile.

'Yeah sure why not'

**CPOV:**

We were sitting on my couch, it was just me and Sam, Spencer had gone to Socko's to visit, we watching movies, I wasn't really paying attention. I was watching Sam; she seemed agitated, she hadn't stopped looking like this since Freddie walked out the door. I guess she didn't like the idea of him going to some house party without her watchful eye. But honestly this is what has to happen if she's going to make any progress in her resolve. She has to realise that she cannot hang on to him if she plans to let him go.

And then it happened

My phone vibrated in my pocket. I watched Sam as I got it but she must have been entranced in the movie because she didn't look over, she didn't even flinch away from the screen.

It was Gavin; the text was short and simple.

_I need to see you, I'm downstairs. Come now._

I looked at Sam, what could say to her to get out of the apartment? My mind raced for something to say. I slowly got up and walked towards the door.

'Where you going kid?' she asked me. Shit.

'I forgot to check the letterbox today and I've been waiting for a package, I'm just going to have a quick look.' Whatever internal battle she was dealing with must have been intense because she nodded and let me go. 'Don't be too long kid.' Really I understand why they all worry about me and want me under house arrest, I do but I love Gavin and I know there is good in him, I have seen it. I'm carrying his children now and so I have a responsibility to try and make our relationship work. I don't know how to be myself without him anymore.

I quickly ran down the stairs to the main lobby and there he was in all his breathtaking beauty. I took a deep breath; it felt like seeing him lifted a gigantic weight off my chest. He smirked at me and walked over towards me. 'Hey baby'

'Hey' I breathed and hugged him. It felt so good to have him in my arms. I couldn't explain the feeling he gave me. No matter what I went through with him I would always run back to him. I needed him, I loved him and as much as I told everyone that I had left him, I couldn't really bring myself to do it. He took my hand in his and led me out the door.

'Where are we going?' I asked him. I had told Sam I was only getting the mail, if I was gone to long she might suspect something is up.

'Nowhere special' he said with a smirk. And I followed him blindly to his car.

**SPOV**

I couldn't stop thinking about Freddie at that stupid party, drinking, dancing, and flirting. I felt sick. This was bad. I was going insane. I was stuck in this crazy bubble and I needed to get out of it. Carly had been gone for 10 minutes now, she should have been back. I decided that I should go look for her. I was such an idiot I should have gone with her. I was so lost in my own dilemma that I had let her walk right out of this apartment without any supervision what was wrong with me? I got up of the seat and made my way to the lobby, when I got there it was empty.

I looked towards the front desk where lewbert was reading the paper. 'Lewbert' I said as I approached the desk. He peeked his eyes over the top of the paper and glared at me 'What do you want delinquent?' he sneered at me.

'Have you seen Carly? She came down here a few minutes ago.'

'Yeah, she left with some guy. Dirty boy, tracked marks all over my floor.' He said with disdain but I didn't care, I was frozen. How could she, she promised me she wouldn't. She swore, for the health of her kids she wouldn't go there. I ran out the doors hoping to catch her but I already knew I was too late. I grabbed my phone and dialled her number.

'_You have reached the mailbox for …Carly…. Please leave a message after the tone or simply hang up.'_

'Carly, where are you. You promised me. Call me as soon as you get this. I can't believe you. You promised!'

The next number I scrolled to was Freddie's. As much as I didn't want to talk to him, I needed him.

It rang twice before he answered.

'Hey' he said with laughter, I could hear a girl in the background with him.

'Who you talking to Freddie, come dance?' I wanted to vomit.

'Freddie its Sam, look I don't know how to explain this but Carly escaped, she's run off with Gavin and I don't know where she is!' I know I said it really fast but I was starting to freak out a bit. I could hear the girl in the background again and she was trying to get Freddie to hang up on me.

'Sam slow down, what's going on?'

'Tell whoever that chick in the background is to fuck off for starters' I said with fury I don't know what happened next, the phone went silent for a minute but then I heard him, he must have gone somewhere quiet so he could hear me. 'Alright Sam, what's going on?' he asked me frustrated.

'Carly's gone!' I said just as frustrated with him as he was with me.

'What do you mean she is gone?' he said exasperated.

'She snuck out' I know that's a lie but whatever 'She's with Gavin and I don't know where they are!'

'Fuck'

'That's all you've got to say, you have to help me find her… please' I was severely freaking out, I was hurt, and I was upset and I need to find Carly.

'Have you told Spencer yet?' he asked me. I could hear him saying good bye to the people at the party, and that girl in the background begging him to stay. I could feel the rage building.

'No not yet, he's not here, I'm freaking out Freddie.'

'It's alright, I'm on my way, I'll call him, where are you?' he asked me as I heard his car door shut.

'I'm standing in front of the lobby.'

'Alright I'll see you soon.' He said.

'Wait Freddie, have you been drinking?' I asked but he hung up before he heard me. Drive safe Freddie.

**(A/N: alright guys, whata ya think. It's a long one for me but I got in everything I wanted to. I hope no one thought we wouldn't see Gavin again. Where has he taken her? Then there's Freddie. Drink driving tsk tsk. Review!)**


	19. Chapter 19 Sneakouts and Steakouts

**(A/N: I know it's been ages. Put away the pitchforks and torches. I seriously just had writers block and then got angry and boycotted the whole thing for a while, but I'm back now and hopefully with a juicy one. So enjoy ;)**

**Chapter 19**

**FPOV:**

I hung up my phone and jumped in my car. 'Freddie!' I turned my head to see Jade, the girl I had just been drinking with. 'Where are you going?' she asked me 'You've been drinking!' she was right but It didn't matter I had to get to Sam and find Carly. Nothing else mattered. I looked up at her and sighed 'Tell Pete it was an emergency and ill raincheck' and with that I got in the car and sped off.

**CPOV:**

Gavin drove us all the way to the end of town before pulling into a shady motel; I supposed this was where he had been staying since I had to kick him out of the loft. He turned towards me and stroked my cheek with his hand.

'You know I love you right kid?' my heart swelled, honestly I don't know why I ever thought he didn't; he could be so sweet to me sometimes. 'I would never let anyone hurt you kid, your mine Carls.' He leant forward and landed a chaste kiss on my lips. I could feel silent tears of joy swelling in my eyes.

'I'm sorry Gavin, I was confused and with Spencer here I didn't know how to react. And Sam and Freddie' a scowl appeared on his face '…there my best friends.'

He paused for a moment before looking up at me, he stared deep into my eyes before talking slowly 'Carly those two aren't good for you, they don't love you like I do and they will only leave you again. Don't you see!' he grabbed my face tightly and forced me to look at him. 'None of them will be there like I am, I will always be there. I'll never leave you!' he let go of my face as I contemplated what he had said. He was right Spencer was going back to L.A, Sam to Australia and Freddie he just stopped talking to me altogether, I know we had a fight but it was never like him to give up on one of his friends. Gavin was right he was the only one I could really rely on.

I looked at my hands, wringing them in my lap before taking in a sharp breath and looking back up at him. 'There was a mistake at my ultrasound' I said. He looked at me confused before waiting for me to continue. 'I thought I had lost the baby, but I haven't, I'm having twins.' I watched as he took in what I said and a smirk slid across his face. 'That's the best news I've heard all night' he said to me. 'Now they can't try and keep you away from me' he turned to face me again and said more seriously than before 'I'm not going anywhere.

He got out of his car and walked over to the passenger door to open it for me. He lead me into his room and shut the door, I briefly remembered Sam and how worried she would be but when I looked at Gavin walking towards me with that smirk all thought left my mind.

**SPOV:**

The 25 minutes I spent waiting outside Bushwell for Freddie to show up was the longest 25 minutes I had ever experienced. I kept glancing at my phone to see if Carly would call but she was completely ignoring me and then there was Freddie, I didn't know if he had been drinking or not, I prayed not. I looked up when I heard a screech pull in to the Bushwell car park. Freddie's car skidded to a halt in front of me; I was glad to see him but instantly knew he had indeed been drinking. Instead of getting in the passenger seat I went to the driver's side.

'Let me drive' I said in a forceful tone. 'No way Sam, you don't have a licence.'

I opened the door to the car roughly 'You're such a nub Benson, you've been drinking, now are you going to get in the passenger seat by yourself or am I going to have to make you!' he looked me up and down once before nodding and sliding over the console into the passenger seat. We drove around town for a good half hour before I pulled into a petrol station to fill up and try to call Carly again. We had looked everywhere I could think of that Carly might go and it hurt me to think that because of my absence I didn't really know where she would go anymore.

'It'll be okay Sam' Freddie said as he walked towards me while I was pumping the gas. He pulled me into a hug and whispered 'well find her' in my ear. I wanted to shiver from his touch but I could smell alcohol on his breath and it reminded me of the girl I had heard on the phone with him. I wanted to be sick. 'I know' I said in reply and stepped away from him to pay for the fuel.

When I returned Freddie had spotted Gavin's car across the road in the car park of a small seedy looking motel and I realised this must have been where he was staying and so he had taken her there. I drove Freddie's car into the car park of the motel and switched of the engine.

'Do we go in?' Freddie sounded just as unsure as I was.

'I don't know. Lord knows what they're doing, or what he's doing to her.' I decided I was going to go the door; I needed to sort this out. I came back to Seattle looking for what I had lost and still haven't found it yet; it was getting frustrating that the only thing standing between mine and my friend's happiness was Gavin. I opened the door and jumped out of Freddie's car, he was about to follow me when I stopped him. 'No, let me go in by self, if I'm not back in 20 then come in ok?' he nodded slowly and got back in to the car, watching me closely.

I took a deep breath and headed towards the front desk, there was a boy at the desk, maybe 15 or 16 he looked up at me with adolescent eyes and smiled. 'hi' I tried to sound sweet and flirty, as best I could, 'I was looking for my brother, I know he's staying here but I forget which room,' I reached out and placed my hand over his, which was resting on the desk, 'could you help me please' I asked and I could see him stutter his reply, he asked me for his name and then told me his room number was 12, I thanked him with a soft smile and walked out the door again, I was surprised that even worked.

I walked towards the door with the brass number 12 on the front. I glanced back at Freddie who was still watching me avidly as I knocked on the door twice firmly. I could hear him telling her to be quiet, instantly my blood boiled. When he opened the door I slammed into it knocking him off his feet and running in. Carly was sitting on the bed looking at me with a guilty face. She put her head down and sighed and I could feel my anger ebbing away as I looked at her pitiful state. I kneeled down in front of her. 'Carly? I asked softly with my hands on her knees for comfort. She slowly looked up at me and I could see a few stray tears trickling down her left cheek.

'What the fuck is she doing here?' Gavin asked angrily towards Carly who looked up startled by his outburst. 'Did you tell her where we were?' he accused angrily.

'No Gavin, I didn't, honest, I don't know how she knew we were here' Carly pleaded with him, I looked up to see the look in his eyes as he glared at her, it was a look I knew all too well and it almost made me shiver, I couldn't understand how Carly wanted to subject herself to this emotional abuse. She reminded me in that moment of my mother, and that was the scariest thought I had ever had. My mother was never a person to aspire to; she was a drunk, a whore and neglective, all that I could handle but it was her reactions towards my father that made her a ghost, a mindless machine, he was controlling and abusive both mentally and physically and yet she never left, I always thought that maybe she thought she had to stay for me but maybe that wasn't the case, maybe she stayed because she just couldn't comprehend life any other way. That's the way Carly was looking at me right now, as if she was pleading with me to accept her addiction. But I just couldn't. I couldn't watch her like this.

I felt a forceful hand on my shoulder and looked up to see Gavin bearing down on me. 'I think it's time for you to leave' he was practically growling at me. My shoulder was stinging from his grip but I ignored him, I looked into Carly's eyes and with all the persuasive power I could muster i spoke 'You promised me Carly, your turning in to someone I know you're not. You're not the girl I grew up with anymore; you're a shell of that person. I see you breaking and yet you are the one holding the hammer. Why can't you see what he's doing to you, he's sapping the life right out of you, he's crushed your spirit. How can you raise children in this environment, your children will grow knowing of abuse before they can say it. I know because I've experienced it, can't you see that I come from experience. Your killing yourself carls, and I'm trying to help but you keep lying to me, I don't know what I'm supposed to do anymore, I don't know what I am supposed to say, but please come home with me now, please, I need my best friend, and you need yours.' I looked at her and she had tears flowing freely down her cheeks now.

It was then I felt Gavin's grip tighten as he dragged me out of the room, I tried fighting him but it was no use, he was stronger than me, which is extremely irritating. 'You promised Carls, you promised' I continued begging her until I was thrown out and the door slammed in my face. The time she had just sat there motionless and crying. I couldn't help but feel like she was lost.

**FPOV**

I watched as Sam pushed her way into the motel room, now I had to wait. I looked at the clock, 11:15. If she wasn't out by 11:35 I would call the cops and go bang on the door. I could still feel the tingle of tipsyness but I was pretty much sober now, the events unfolding before me were pumping my body full of adrenaline.

I sighed as I stared at the door with the small 12 nailed to the front of it. I hoped that Carly was alright, I hoped Sam was alright…. Sam, this whole situation was so fucked up, how did we get here? I feel like I'm in someone else's shoes other than my own. I didn't know how to feel about her. On one hand I thought I was falling for her hard and on the other she is just as frustrating as she ever was when we were 14 and I remember why I kept my distance. And her reactions towards me have been completely bi-polar; I was at a loss for words when it came to Samantha Puckket.

I glanced back at the clock on the dash. 11:29. I looked back up at the door, I was starting to worry that maybe I shouldn't wait the full 20 minutes. Just then I heard Sam calling to Carly as she was being dragged out of the room. I jumped out of the car and ran towards her as Gavin slammed the door in her face.

'Should we call the cops?' I asked her when I got to her side. She just sighed and slumped her shoulders before turning and walking back towards the car. I followed her to the car and got in. once she was in the car I asked her again. 'Should I call the cops?'

'There's no point Benson' she said in a pitiful tone. 'She wants to be there, and she never made that statement so the cops can't do anything…. It'll only push her away more then she already is.' She seemed devastated.

'Are you ok?' she nodded but I was positive she was lying.

'Can we just stay here and make sure he doesn't kill her or something' she turned to me with pleading eyes.

'Like a stakeout?' i asked.

'Yeah, I think it will just ease the worry a little bit.' She stared back at the door with the number 12 and sighed. I didn't bother saying anything else I could tell she was lost in her own thoughts. I reached over and grabbed her hand, giving it a little squeeze. I watched the corner of her mouth turn up in a small smile. It didn't matter how confused or frustrated she made me I was starting to think I was falling in love with her. I looked back at the door also and slowly fell asleep dreaming of Sam Carly and I in the studio making iCarly and how young and innocent we were. I'd give anything to go back to that moment. Without a care in the world.

**(A/N: hey guys, I hope I portrayed Carly's struggle good here and the way Gavin is able to manipulate her. Also there was a bit about Sam's past. A touchy subject for her. Not much seddie but defiantly more to come. Anyway hope you enjoyed it and as always PLEASE REVIEW. Thanks)**


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